“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.03): Will you be my LLBFF?


The car gets pushed to Mama Rizzoli’s neighborhood garage, and out from under a car pops Giovanni. He’s like Boston’s The Situation, except with less hair grease and more car grease. Maura immediately notices his shoulder-to-hip ratio and “long metacarpals.” No, no, no, Maura. How many times do we have to go over this? Straight women notice feet size. Gay women notice finger size. You’re going to have to do a better job at remembering these things if you want to keep up the charade, honey.

Seems Giovanni had a childhood thing for Jane, who clearly did not reciprocate. He also has a thing for saying people look hot. I take it back, he’s not The Situation; he’s Paris Hilton. When Jane thinks he’s about to try again with her, she uses Maura as a human shield to protect against the boy cooties. But Maura, who does not appreciate being used as living blockade, starts to flirt with him instead. And Jane, having none of that, springs into immediate Captain Cockblock mode.

Jane and Maura get called away on a case, but not before Maura tells Giovanni she wishes she could stay and help him “pull the front cover.” Man, she is really, really punishing Jane for that human shield thing. Of course, they don’t have a car, which makes getting to the crime scene problematic. So Giovanni says they can borrow his restored 1975 Alfa Romeo.

The ladies speed off in their shiny red sports car together with a license plate that reads “LUKNHOT” and, for once, a vanity plate tells the truth. Jane continues to grumble about Maura’s flirting with Giovanni and tells Maura to stay away from him. Maura teases her that it’s a “dibs” thing. Which is true: Jane has dibs on Maura.

Jane says Maura has nothing in common with Giovanni. She says he’s a “blue-collar, Boston Italian auto mechanic.” Maura says so is Jane, minus the auto mechanic thing. But, come on, I bet Jane is plenty good under the hood. You know what I mean? Nudge-nudge, wink-wink. Say no more.

And then this happens:

Maura: Well we’re best friends.
Jane: Yes, but I am interesting. And, you don’t want to sleep with me.
Maura: [Head tilt. Pause.]
Jane: Do you?
Maur:: No. [Pause.] No!

Her mouth says, “No.” But her head tilt says, “Yes, immediately, in this car.”

Also, question: Do all straight female best friends routinely ask each other if they want to sleep together? Because if they do, I need more straight female friends.

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