“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.01): Absence makes the heart grow fonder


The next morning Mama Rizzoli comes in unannounced only to find Jane’s gentleman caller sitting with her in bed. He leaves in a flash. Dude, you left this alone in bed? Good thing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is being repealed because you are causing me to seriously question your sexuality.

Mama Rizzoli is as miffed as we are that Jane was sleeping with a boy instead of Maura. But Jane explains that that is indeed all they did, sleep. Yes, because every adult, available, attractive heterosexual who spends the night with another clearly interested adult, available and attractive member of the opposite sex actually just sleeps together.

Over breakfast, Mama Rizzoli talks about her breakup with Jane’s dad. They’re losing the house. So Jane says she can stay with her but her mama had a better offer. Maura offered her her guest house. Now that’s some world-class sucking up to the future in-laws.

Upon hearing this news, Jane rushes over to Maura’s place. Because when a relationship step is this big, a phone call simply won’t do. Maura says she can tell that Jane had sex. It’s like she has seen the signs first hand or something. Jane says she should feel free to chat about her sex life with her mom at their slumber parties to which Maura says, “I never really got much sleep at slumber parties.” Hm, what else could she have been doing with those girls instead of slumbering? Let me think, let me think …

Just as the ladies were getting a really good head of flirting steam going, Dr. Slucky Bastard walks in and totally kills the mood. As he gives Maura a kiss, Jane says “vomit” while storming out. Our thoughts exactly. Maura expresses her concern about Jane’s lingering pain and then brags about her toughness to her date. Talking up your girl, how sweet. But he dismisses her worries and then even denigrates her expertise. Buh-Bye, Dr. UnSlucky Bastard.

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