“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.01): Absence makes the heart grow fonder


In the morgue, Maura tells Jane her hair twirling is a sign of sexual frustration. Well, she should know. Jane then notices the examiner’s room looks different and Maura says she should see her office, which was just redecorated. Jane feigns faux femme excitement. Look, darling, you already handed Maura your garbage. Don’t push it. A gal can only take so much from her butch.

Maura takes the opportunity to feel Jane’s wound because if these two kept their hands off each other nobody would be watching. Back in Maura’s office, Jane is doubled over in pain. Maura comes up and rubs her back. If TGTGT was your drinking game word, you’d be out cold at this point.

Jane sits down in Maura’s new office chair, which is apparently as uncomfortable as it looks. All the while, Jane can’t keep her hands out of her pants. But for some reason Maura seems used to it.

p.s. Don’t worry, Log Cabin Republicans. Tax payer dollars did not pay for Dr. Isles’ fabulous new office complete with Dyson bladeless fan.

Jane uses her big, brown, wounded puppy-dog eyes to convince Maura to get her upstairs. No, not that kind of “take me upstairs.” There’s a case to solve, focus. Detective, now Sergeant, Korsak and Det. Frost come in and greet her. Then when talking about whether women receive differential treatment in male-dominated fields (I know, whoa, got heavy on you there for a second), Frost says Korsak never brought him flowers. Are we going to have to start shipping these two? What portmanteau? Kost? Fosak? Varry?

The investigation gets under way and aside from being sad about Private Sherman getting blown to tiny bits it’s all very boring because Lt. Col. Beard Force is getting all, “The Army is awesome! Stop talking bad about the Army!” Before they leave to interview the men in her platoon, Maura waves to Jane all, “Honey, don’t leave without saying goodbye!”

Back at Jane’s place, Lt. Col. Beard Force says “except for the girlie part” Abby was a lot like her. Jane says, “I can be girlie” back and everyone at home spit takes their beer. Honey, you owe us all new computer screens for that one. He then calls her a soft-shell crab. Here’s a tip: Don’t call women crabs, or say they’re crabby or suggest they have crabs of any kind. Ever.

And then Jane and G.I. Not Maura kiss. Because, remember people, this is not a gay show. This is a show about two extremely heterosexual women who discuss each other’s private parts and touch each other excessively and give each other the sexy eyeball every chance they get.

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