“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (1.08): Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Then the boring, rumpled FBI dude shows up. Maura pretends to encourage Jane to have a private moment with him. Hello, total beard. But she purposely interrupts them with a text in the middle of their conversation to get them to a non-romantic autopsy. Saved by the dead body. Maura shoots the boring FBI dude a glare that says, “Hand off my woman or it’ll be you on this slab.”

Further proof you don’t mess with Dr. Isles’ woman, she goes to interview Hoyt face-to-face. She will cut you. Hoyt says he isn’t going to kill Jane until he can do it with his own hands. And that he won’t kill Maura because they are alike. Now she is really, really, going to cut you, dude.

Jane watches the footage of Hoyt threatening her life, while Maura explains something about his facial muscles and muscle symmetry. Jane snaps at her because who wants to hear about facial muscles and muscle symmetry at a time like this, but boring FBI dude tells her she is being rude to Maura. Hey, he does serve a purpose. So she apologizes for being a “jerk.” She then asks the beard to leave the room. Nothing says I’m sorry like make-up sex. What? You know it’s true.

Maura tells Jane how she was a “weird kid,’ growing up and received a lot of benign neglect from her wealthy parents. She sent away for her own boarding school brochure when she was 10 and “was really lost.” Awww, deep confessional processing. This is so gay.

Jane takes her hands, reassures her and says “Man, we’re a pair.” Yes, ladies, you really are.

Back in Hoyt’s cell, Jane confronts him. It’s about one of the victims still being alive, but subconsciously I think she’s mad that he made Maura feel bad about herself. Don’t make Rizzoli angry, you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry. Actually, you might like her. Angie looks good angry. And her voice gets even more deep and gravely. OK, scratch my previous statement. Always make Rizzoli angry.

Back at her apartment, a woman who is not Maura is cooking Jane dinner. It’s the waitress from the diner who is now dating Jane’s little brother. Jane tastes her pasta sauce and tells her if it doesn’t work out with Frankie she can always come over and cook for her anytime. Hey now, flirting in the diner is one thing. Telling a girl she can come over anytime to “cook” is entirely another. I’m telling Maura.

But there’s no need to worry because Frankie has terrible taste in women and the nice waitress lady turns out to be Hoyt’s homicidal kidnap victim/stalking accomplice/Stockholm Syndrome sufferer. She tells Jane to put on some handcuffs. OK, so maybe we need to worry again because this girl clearly already knows how to handle a gun. No euphemism required.

A struggle ensues, Frankie shoots her (that’s what you get for being more interested in his sister than him, I guess). And then all of a sudden Jane is out to dinner with boring FBI dude. Boo! Where is Maura? Luckily, Jane gives him the old “It’s not you, it’s me speech.” More precisely, she tells him “I’m not ready for someone like you.” This is 100 percent accurate if you replace “ready” with “looking.” As in, I’m not looking for a man, period. They kiss, but you know, everyone goes through an experimental phase.

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