“Rizzoli & Isles” Retro Subtext Recap (1.05): Way to class up the joint


Jane’s brother Frankie shows up with a bottle of the Polynesian Anti-Aging Lychee Fruit Flush and, again, I don’t care unless it involves Jane and Maura doing some Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching. Instead in walks the Fairfield lawyer without all the files Jane had subpoenaed. They contain too many important international trade secrets for the lowly police to have. Also, the attorney says he has assurances from the governor that the matter will all be handled quickly and discretely. And then he threatens Jane again saying, “You seem like a bright young woman with a promising future, I’d hate to see your career path cut short.” Her face says, “Where is that trusty baseball bat when I need it?”

Maura brings Frost and Korsak (read: Jane and her aren’t talking yet) the initial autopsy report which names blunt force trauma as the cause of death. They search for more clues amid his stomach contents, which was rare (read: expensive) oysters that are only served a few places. They head off to find answers and try some for themselves. Maura calls the flavor “Dry. Metallic. Delicious.” Too. Many. Jokes.

Jane finally goes to see Maura armed with gold-flake filled chocolates and the Polynesian Anti-Aging Lychee Fruit Flush. I have to say, as far as romantic gifts go, that’s kind of a backhanded compliment. Maura asks hopefully if the chocolate is an apology. Jane asks, “For what?” To quote Korsak, “Uh-oh.”

You see, the chocolate was actually a bribe to get Maura to ask Garrett who his brother had the fancy oysters with the day he died. What follows is a classic passive-aggressive lesbian fight where Korsak is the unwitting intermediary to a series of “Tell Jane…” “Tell Maura…” statements. Where is Earth Rainn Songwomyn when you need her the most?

After Korsak wisely flees, they continue the fight. Jane says Maura looked really at home in “that world.” Maura says it is not where she “chose to stay.”Jane says she is slumming, Maura says she is catching bad guys. Jane says she needs her job, Maura doesn’t. Maura says she wants her life to have meaning and purpose, just like Jane. Jane leaves saying she doesn’t know whose side Maura is on anymore. Can we just skip ahead to the make-up eye sex, pretty please? This fighting is giving me hives.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7