“Rizzoli & Isles” Retro Subtext Recap (1.04): See Jane go to college

Maura knows the party, smiling the smile of someone who has worn a tinfoil bikini. Jane says she tries not to have regrets, but when she was on campus “felt like I missed out.” Well, you definitely missed out on seeing Maura in a foil two-piece. Now that is something to regret. Maura calls Jane “a bright, accomplished woman” and says “you know more about human beings than anyone I know.” Knock a week off of that processing time, because Dr. Isles is breaking it down. The loving gazes don’t hurt either.

Also, if Jane had gone to college she might have just been a L.U.G. – Lesbian Until Graduation. So by never graduating, well, you can figure that one out yourself.

Mama Rizzoli interrupts the feelings fest. She traded in her car for a behemoth of steel and, unfortunately, smoke. Something is burning in her new gas guzzler and stealth grease monkey Maura suspects it’s a “ring job.” I don’t know what that means, but I’m going to imagine it’s absolutely filthy. What? Working on cars is a dirty job.

While Jane ponders how her femmest of the femme girlfriend is out butching her with car talk, Frost comes up and says he found the victim’s secret locker. Inside she had a slinky dress, do-me heels and, um, let’s just say we now know how she paid for her $57,000 tuition.

Before Jane can test out some of the evidence in the privacy of Maura’s apartment, she goes with Mama Rizzoli to return her pimpmobile to the used car salesman. Thanks to her badge and badassery, Jane gets her mom her old car back, a new alternator and a set of floor mats. I am so taking her with me next time I need to buy a car.

Fresh off her used car lot victory, Jane goes to find Maura at the bar. Maura is waiting for her alone, tentatively eating bar nuts. Jane gives Maura the old wrong shoulder tap misdirect. It’s one of the classic flirting moves, simple yet foolproof. She seems pleased with her results.

They talk about what would have compelled a good student to turn tricks. Maura says in Europe these sorts of arrangements happen all the time. What happens in Paris, stays in Paris, I guess. Then she gets the lab results on a piece of plastic found at the scene. It’s ecronewkidsontheblockboutrosboutrosghali – or at least that’s what it sounds like to Jane. She gives Maura the “English, please” look and now it’s Maura’s turn to tease. She pauses for a delicious beat, enjoying the full attention and then tells Jane it’s plastic from a computer.

Jane rushes off to the campus computer store to see if anyone tried to get the victim’s broken laptop fixed. It was the doofy campus cop who was first on the scene, but he swears he didn’t kill her. See, flirting over the dead is one thing; stealing from the dead is entirely another.

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