“Rizzoli & Isles” Retro Subtext Recap (1.03): The days of wine and dead fridge cheese


Then Jane and Maura bond over lunch. Jane shares the peanut butter and fluff sandwich her mom brought her with Maura. Say it with me, “Awwww.” Of course, Maura at first confuses the fluff with “light, downy particles of cotton” instead of good old marshmallow. But Jane soon sets her straight. Relax, everyone, not that kind of straight.

The writers apparently really have it in for skateboarders because Jane and Frost next follow the “evil skateboarders” theory to see if there is any correlation between the ability to ollie and the ability to kill. They isn’t, but that doesn’t keep Frost from showing off his He-Man side and slamming the ring leader against the cop car. It must be hard on a fella’s pride when his partner is that much hotter and butcher than him.

Jane and Maura are walking to the parking garage together after work. Before they can get to the obvious question (“Your place or mine?”), Jane hears something strange. Her first instinct, of course, is to grab Maura to protect her. And they say chivalry is dead.

The sound turns out to be snakes — a lot of them — in Jane’s car. Now it’s Jane’s turn to channel someone and she picks Indiana Jones saying, “I hate snakes.” Once the pesky serpent situation is taken care of, naturally, Jane and Maura go out to dinner. Danger has a way of drawing us closer to the one’s we love – and working up an appetite.

Jane asks Maura to guess (hypothetically, because Maura doesn’t guess) what might have killed the boy. Maura says there are documented cases of people being hexed to death. Not that these so-called hexes kills them, but the fear leads them to have a heart attack. Oh, and by the way as kids Jane was scared of witches and Maura of flesh-eating bacteria. Telling – speaking of telling do you want me to tell you what Maura said about how and through which orifices the bacteria attacks? Nah, didn’t think so.

Instead the ladies go get a little religion. Jane, Maura and Det. Frost (cough, third wheel, cough) show up to the victim’s mother’s church to observe her exorcism ceremony. Jane is all worked up about attending the ritual, while Maura is getting into it and clapping along. We’ll get into the necessary cultural sensitivity lecture later, but for now please enjoy the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching that transpires between Jane and Maura.

Sheesh, those two can’t even keep their hands off each other in church. But before things can get too touchy-feely, a Molotov cocktail thrown through the church window kills the mood. Punk skater kid did it as retaliation for the death of his friend or some such twisted logic.

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