“Rizzoli & Isles” Retro Subtext Recap (1.01): Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?


Regardless, Maura calls it nice and upbeat. But then she confesses that she has to go to Quantico to work on some classified aspects of the case. Jane leaves in a huff because it means Agent McBeardy thinks Maura is need-to-know. She goes to find him instead and is finally let in the loop that Hoyt’s copycat apprentice is believed to be ex-military – black ops CIA Green Beret, to be precise. Agent McBeardy also asks Jane out to dinner. Like, hey, the deranged murderer’s apprentice is a government-trained killing machine – how about some sushi? But Chopin’s Death March saves Jane from issuing another obvious rejection. Maura tells Jane she is in her apartment. I bet you are, honey.

But it’s not that kind of good, I’m-in-your-apartment-get-here-as-fast-as-you-can-for-fun-naked-times scenario. It’s the bad, I’m-in-your-apartment-get-here-as-fast-as-you-can because-it-got-ransacked-by-serial-killers scenario.

When Jane gets there she is approached by a man seemingly from the medical examiner’s office asking her to ID her neighbor’s body (you know, the one who knew way too much about Jane’s vacuuming). Lucky for her neighbor it’s not her, unlucky for Jane it’s Hoyt instead who Tasers her in the stomach. Man, Jane’s poor stomach. Also, foreshadowing much? Sheesh, even the shirt color is the same.

Right, so I’m not even going to lie, this next part is scary and devoid of subtext. Jane wakes up bound in the van with Hoyt over her. He has a scalpel and cuts her neck. Then he tells her he is excited for the final game. If you watched this from behind a pillow, it’s OK. The apprentice comes to show him something outside leaving Jane alone in the van. She desperately searches for anything to defend herself with and finds a flare. She lights it against herself (and becomes, literally, smoking hot) and then shoots the flame at Hoyt. Maura was not lying when she called Jane brave.

Hoyt is horribly burned, the apprentice returns. Jane zaps him and reaches the gun in time to put him down with two slugs. Then, she stands over Hoyt with a decision to make.

No, she doesn’t kill him. She’s the hero, people. But she does give him matching stigmata with a bullet through both his hands. Not exactly the person I’d want to be matchies with, but it is satisfying on an eye-for-an-eye level. Agent McBeardy shows up while Jane is getting medical treatment afterward and asks her to dinner, again. But Jane just wants to go home. Take a hint, buddy.

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