“Rizzoli & Isles” Retro Subtext Recap (1.01): Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

 
 

Shortly there after the wife’s body is found in the woods. Jane tells Maura she isn’t going to like her plan, which turns into their first lovers spat. Kiss and make up! Kiss and make up! Jane wants to leave the woman’s body under surveillance in hopes that Hoyt will return. Maura protests saying they’ll lose all the forensic evidence. But Jane asks Maura to do it for her with those big brown eyes and, well, who could resist? Certainly not Maura.

Later that night while on surveillance, Korsak introduces Jane to his latest stray pet, Joe Friday. Aww, you guys, the cute it burns. Well, more accurately, it stinks because this little Joe (short for Josephine) has rolled in something offensively odoriferous. Korsak leaves to escape Jane’s complaining and take a leak. But when he doesn’t return Jane goes looking for him — alone — in the woods. No one thought to call in backup with two deranged serial killers on the loose?

Jane spots a figure running in the woods and promptly tackles him into a creek. Turns out it is just Agent McBeardy. Um, why is he running around the woods in a black top, pants, hat and gloves? Doesn’t he know that’s standard-issue bad guy attire? They find Korsak injured by Hoyt. I hate to say, “I told you so,” so welcome to Miami about the backup.

Jane finds Maura in her office. She has brought Joe Friday because the second step in lesbian dating (after moving in together, which they inexplicably seem to have skipped over) is getting a pet together. Maura calls Jane brave for tackling Agent McBeardy and rewards her with more intense eye sex. Look, I’m just being thorough. Documenting subtext is no joke.

Agent McBeardy shows up at Jane’s apartment and seems surprised by how nice it is inside. Dude, are all the guys on this show completely clueless about how to pick up chicks or what? He gets her to talk about when Hoyt attacked her and then unsubtly asks her if she wants him to spend the night. Answer: Several variations on the word “No.” And this face. Denied.

The next morning Maura brings Jane coffee while Jane ignores her mom’s calls. Maura asks what her novelty ringtone is and Jane lets her hear it: Chopin’s Funeral March. What, no “I Kissed a Girl” or anything from the Melissa Etheridge collection?

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