Recap Attack: “Showgirls”


ames doesn't approve of Nomi's dream to dance in Goddess. He confronts her in front of the Stardust. “What you're doing, at least it's honest. Here, they pretend it's something else, and you still show them tits and ass.” There's nobility to stripping that Nomi just doesn't understand.

Nomi gets the job, but can't seem to remember her birthday or social security number when she goes to the personnel office. Even though they have no W-9 on her, she somehow gets paid and no one seems to care.

“Tony, she's all pelvic thrust. She prowls. She's got it,” concludes Marty, one of the dance captains. Marty is played by Patrick Bristow, the red-headed gay friend on Ellen. Here, he's not supposed to be funny, but when he yells to Nomi to do a piqué turn, like she knows what the hell that is, it's hilarious.

There's a bunch of tutu-wearing monkeys loose in the dressing room. Nothing screams good cinema like monkeys and strippers. It's Nomi's big night and she's so excited, she can hardly plaster on her traffic-cone orange stage makeup. Her debut is slightly marred by a small slip on some monkey poo onstage, but otherwise she's ecstatic to have made it to the big time.

The next day, Cristal and Nomi try to rehearse together, but there's too much sexual tension and hatred between them. Cristal's wearing a leather jacket like Nomi's, but it's encrusted with rhinestones and comes with a matching hat. This is supposed to tell us she's just like Nomi, but she's a star now, and can afford the finest, white-trash outfits the Strip has to offer. Instead of rehearsing—because really, why bother?—they go to lunch. The dancers are restricted to a diet of brown rice, vegetables and cocaine.

“You really like brown rice and vegetables?” asks Cristal.

Nomi admits, “It's worse than dog food.”

Cristal reveals she's eaten dog food. They bond instantly over former hard times when all they could afford was Doggy Chow. Not for nothing, but ramen noodles are about 30 cents, aren't they? Cristal and Nomi make googly eyes at each other as they sip champagne and talk about their breasts.

“I like nice tits; I always have. How 'bout you?” Cristal oozes as she stares at Nomi's chest. Sadly, Nomi doesn't want to play Flirt With the Lesbian Stripper.

She says, “I like having them.”

“How do you like having them?” Cristal asks leadingly.

“I like having them in a nice dress,” says Nomi. Killjoy.

Eventually, Cristal and Nomi do rehearse together—there's lots of grinding and stroking, and Cristal yanks down Nomi's top and starts playing with her exposed boobies. They almost kiss but Cristal ruins the moment by saying, “Ya see darlin', you are a whore.” Why couldn't she wait and say that after a long, tonguey, girl kiss? Damn you, Gina.

Later that night, the dressing room is a hive of showgirl activity. One of the dancers has her two kids, a boy and a girl, with her. It's wall-to-wall tits, but the little tykes don't seem to notice. The girl is actually holding a teddy bear.

The monkeys are around, and the little girl asks, “Mommy, can we see the monkeys?”

Naked mommy says, “Not now sweetie, the monkeys are busy.”

“I wanna see the monkeys, why can't we see the monkeys?!?” the little brat starts to whine. A nearby dancer says, “Will you get these f**king kids out of here?” Thank you. I hate kids.

The little cherubs turn and gasp. “You said the F-word,” the annoying girl says, totally scandalized. She isn't fazed by the T&A around her but the F-word makes her stop in her little patent-leather tracks.

“Shut the f**k up!” the dancer tells the girl.

The girl starts to cry and runs to mommy, throwing herself into Mommy's bosom, being careful not to smudge the make-up Mommy applied to her nipples. Mommy shoots the other dancer a how-dare-you look.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Tags: , ,