Recap Attack: “Go Fish”

Finally — Three years later, Ely asks Max out on a date. OK, it's not three years later. But it feels like three years later.

The big date — Max is waiting for Kia and Evy to stop giggling in the shower so she can get ready for her date. They finally mosey out, and Max is left with 10 minutes to get ready. Roommates can be such pains in the ass.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Ely is trying on every single one of her too-big men's shirts. She looks in the mirror and fiddles with what's left of her hair. She tries on a hat. No. She gives up. She's so unbelievably dorky, it's almost sweet. But she still “ain't got no alibi.”

Ely gets to Max's place early. Way behind schedule thanks to her lovebird roomies, Max is just emerging from the bathroom wearing a robe when she sees Ely standing there looking nervous and dopey. “You're early,” says Max. “Oh no, it's me. I'm late.”

She puts Ely on the couch to wait so she can put on her Beav outfit, which sounds better than it actually is.

Max joins her in the living room, but she's still in her robe. She puts on some womyn's folk music. She has some fashion choices she wants Ely to help her with. Ely is not the person you want to go to with fashion questions.

While they're ruminating over shirts, Max notices Ely's fingernails. She says, “Oh my God, look at your nails.” That was kinda rude.

Ely asks for some clippers. Max goes back to the bathroom and returns, handing the nail clippers to Ely. Ely can't seem to get the clippers to work (spaz), so Max sits down and starts cutting her nails for her.

Personal grooming seems to be a turn-on, because they start kissing right there amongst the dead clippings, and before you can say “emery board,” they're in bed. This is one weird date.

The morning after — Ely is floating on air. She's practically skipping down the street as she makes her way home. She sneaks into the house and for once, it's her who's coming in the next morning, and not player Daria.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Daria says teasingly as she catches Ely trying to creep quietly across the living room. Daria is wearing footie pajamas.

After a little grilling, Ely admits that yes, she was with Max. “Then it's true!” Daria gives Ely a hug.

Meanwhile, across town, Evy and Kia are giving the same third degree to Max. All Max will allow is, “It was great.”

With a little friendly prodding, each giddy girl gives her friends a blow-by-blow of the evening's sexploits. No one can believe the whole thing started with nail clipping.

Finally, a sex scene to accompany the re-telling. Both Max and Ely haven't had any booty in a long time, so let's just say they had fun. And that it's a good thing Ely cut her nails.

“Congratulations,” Daria says at the end of the story. “Why didn't you stay?” she asks.

Ely shrugs. “Playing hard-to-get.”

Ely and Max live happily ever after.

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