Recap Attack: “Go Fish”

 
 

Meanwhile, Daria and Ely are doing laundry. Or rather, Ely is doing laundry while Daria drinks beer and gives her crap for not getting into the sack with Max. “You really ought to loosen up, chill out, maybe get laid,” Daria says.

To help Ely with that, Daria decides to throw a dinner party and invite Max. Actually, she wants to “invite a whole bunch of hot babes, and it will turn into a massive orgy.” What does one bring to a dinner and an orgy? Cucumbers? Whipped cream?

Apparently, Daria throws a dinner party the way she does laundry. Ely is doing all the cooking while Daria has sex in the other room with some girl. Around the time dinner is done, so is Daria.

It's eight o'clock, and the guests have arrived. For the party, short-and-squat Daria is wearing a black, short-sleeved shirt, a black vest, tight black shorts and black shoes with black socks. Her black hair is slicked straight back. She looks exactly like Eddie Munster. Troche and Turner have a thing for Eddie Munster, I'm sure of it.

Meanwhile, Ely, with her goofball crew cut and old-tymey, black frame glasses, is wearing a big, ill-fitting men's dress shirt and suspenders. These are two smoking hot babes.

Good food, good times — After a sumptuous meal, the girls gather around the living room and start playing a truth-or-dare type game. Daria says, “I've never … I've never had sex with anyone in this room.” A few girls, but not everyone, take a drink.

Kia says, “I've never had sex on a train that stopped because it was in an accident.” She takes a drink as everyone laughs.

“I've never fallen in love at first site,” Evy says. She and Kia make googly eyes at each other and take a drink. I think I get it now. If you think this game is stupid, you take a drink.

Max doesn't want to ask a sex question when it's her turn. “I've never turned in a paper late.” Buzz-kill. Everyone drinks.

Ely says, “I've never had sex with Daria.” Heh. Good one. But then, Evy takes a drink.

Kia says, “Hey!” Uncomfortable silence fills the room. Didn't I tell you about that, honey?

Evy says, “OK, I admit it. It was a mistake!” Kia handles the news pretty well. I'd go apesheet if my girlfriend spilled a bean like that in front of my friends.

Afterward, Max and Ely are doing the dishes together. With Max dressed de rigeur for a '50s sitcom and Ely in her suspenders and man shirt, now they look exactly like Ward Cleaver and the Beaver having a father-son talk. Until they start kissing. This scene is so disturbing.

Some progress — After that fateful night, Max and Ely begin the phone phase of their relationship. Where'd you go to school? What was your first girlfriend like? Oh and hey, by the way, what's your last name? You know you're getting serious when you know a girl's last name.

Ely tells Max she broke up with Seattle Kate on her answering machine. Ordinarily, that's not the classiest thing to do, but if you haven't seen your girlfriend in over two years, it's a formality at that point.

How many words for “vagina” do you know? — The muses reconvene to discuss why it's taking so dang long for Max and Ely to get it on. Gyno says, “Never underestimate the power of a woman who's been deprived of the honey pot.”

The others don't care for her euphemism. “Honey pot?!” Playto says incredulously.

Labia, the medical professional, offers “vagina.” Playto says “love mounds” but Gyno thinks it's too Victorian. Labia tries “girl patch.” The C-word is definitely out. Playto want to just go with “beav.” Now I know I saw this on The L Word. Not that it matters at all, but this session's Last Calliope is a girl named Della.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6
 
 

Tags: , , ,