Recap Attack: “Go Fish”

 
 

It's just sex — Daria's in bed with yet another conquest. Wow, that girl she's with has absolutely no boobs. Wait a minute. That's a guy. Did Daria run out of girls? How does this munchkin in a leather jacket get so much action?

In a dream sequence, Daria is walking alone at night when she's confronted by a gang of 10 or so angry lesbians. Poor Daria. There's nothing worse than being called out by a gang of pissed-off lesbians.

With her back to the wall, Daria is grilled by the Sappho Greek Chorus. “What do you think you're doing?” asks one of them harshly. “Makes me sick,” says another, disgustedly. “My definition of a lesbian does not involve men in any way,” sniffs another.

Daria defends her right to do as she pleases.

“We're not talking about life commitment here,” Daria says, “we're talking about sex.” She adds, “Ya know, if a gay man has sex with a woman, he was bored, drunk, lonely, whatever. And if a lesbian has sex with a man, her whole life choice becomes suspect. I think it's bulls—.”

Hoo boy. While all this is going on, I notice one of the accusers in the back row is wearing an Eddie Munster T-shirt. I want that shirt. The whole dream is shot in c inema vérité, a handheld camera style of filmmaking which, loosely translated, means “no tripod money.”

A bad dream — Max has a dream sequence of her own. One minute she's dressed like the Beav, the next, she's in a white wedding gown. She wonders aloud, “What if I black out and I wake up alone midday in a house and I've been napping? And I find out I've been married to a man?” Yikes, talk about a nightmare.

As she imagines a straight life with kids and a husband, to not be strapped with “the awkward title of ‘aunt,'” Max stands rock still in a wedding gown as various women walk up to her, kiss her on the cheek and walk off.

We're subjected to a long and rambling soliloquy about imagined anniversary dinners and holidays with the in-laws — none of which you want me to repeat, trust me. Suffice it to say, it goes on and on and on.

At one point, Max says, “It doesn't seem so far-fetched. Like being caught in crossfire and dying, or slipping on oil someone else unwittingly spilled.” She's not prone to bromides, I'll give her that, but what the hell is she talking about?

Other random women stand single file facing the camera and walk off one at a time as Max intones, “We're not waiting for a man. I'm not waiting for a man. I just hate this feeling a man is waiting for me.” I hate the feeling of waiting for you to finish your existential meandering.

Back to reality — Evy has to show her face at her own house every now and then. Her mother is cooking, and her ex-boyfriend, Junior, is sitting at the kitchen table when she walks in the door. “Hi Mommy,” Evy says, but she isn't greeted in return.

Big Mama says something in Spanish and then, “Where were you last night?”

“Uh … I … I was with … at Marta's,” Evy lies. Slap! Her mother strikes her across the face.

“Junior told [me] where you was at last night,” her mother says as Junior stares at Evy, smirking. “He saw you in one of those gay bars. Is it true? … No wonder Junior left you.”

Evy snaps back at her mom, “Is that what he told you?” She tussles with Big Mama. Big Mama curses her in Spanish. Evy grabs her bag and heads for the door.

“Where are you going?” Big Mama demands.

Evy says, “I'm getting outta here.” She turns to Junior and points at him. “And you're a f—ing a–hole!” What, not staying for dinner?

Evy wanders the streets. She ends up at Casa Kia y Max. Kia's not home, so Evy sits on the steps with Max and tells her how Junior set her up. Dykes are a loyal bunch — Max is ready to take Junior down.

She launches into a tirade: “I'd like to get that guy … get a big pack of dykes and corner him in an alley and make him beg each and every one of us not to kill him, and then kill him anyway. Evy, man, we should squash him, we should get revenge on him …”

I like Max. Not just because she's so cute dressed like Beaver Cleaver with her fifth-grader striped T-shirts, shorts and caps, but because she's a good friend. (And grows up to look like Gabby Deveaux.)

Max tells Evy she can move in with her and Kia.

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