Recap Attack: “Go Fish”


Scoping out babes — Later at Fanta Café, a busy establishment filled with gay-looking women, Max and Kia are sitting around drinking coffee and talking about girls. “You haven't dipped into the honey pot in a while,” teases Kia.

“The ‘honey pot?' God, you're so '70s sometimes,” says Max. Max is wearing a baggy T-shirt, even baggier, long shorts and a backwards baseball cap. She doesn't want to be reminded that she hasn't slept with a girl in 10 months. She just wants help finding “some hot babes.”

Kia looks around at the other tables and spies a woman with long, lifeless, hippy-dippy hair and grandpa glasses sitting alone in a booth big enough for four. “Contestant number one,” she offers.

Max turns and gives the woman a not-so-subtle once over. “Clearly, your attachment to the '70s is worse than I realized,” she says. Heh.

Kia says she already knows hogging-a-whole-booth-girl. Furthermore, Kia thinks her acquaintance is cute. Max (and I) disagree. “I have one word for you: U-G-L-Y, she ain't got no alibi, she's ugly,” she sings. That was more than one word, but let's not quibble.

Artsy-fartsy — Here come some interstitials of book pages flipping again. How about these equally cryptic substitutions: a can of tuna, a naked mannequin, a hamster wearing little orange pants?

An introduction — As Kia and Max leave the café, they run into booth-girl. “Hey, how's Kate?” Kia asks her.

“She's fine. She's staying in Seattle right now,” says booth-girl.

Kia was trying to set Max up with a girl with a girlfriend?

Booth-girl makes chitty-chat about her new job at a vet's office until Max interrupts and introduces herself. Booth-girl returns the favor and says, “I'm Ely.”

Ely then promptly bids them adieu. Max doesn't care. She has zero interest in Ely. Ever been set up by your friends, only to be left wondering how your friends could not know you at all?

Ding Dong — Max shows up at Ely's door. “Sorry I'm late,” she says. Max, Ely and Kia were going catch a gay film, but Kia mysteriously canceled at the last minute, so Max is there alone. That Kia is a crafty, transparent thing.

Max and Ely are blocking the doorway when along comes Daria with her hookup du jour, a girl with the worst mullet I've ever seen. Daria stops to flirt a little with Max before taking Mullet to a romantic meal at Burrito Palace .

Interstitial break — A framed picture of Billy Ray Cyrus, gag nose-glasses, a donkey pulling a cart of full of cabbage.

Later that night — Max and Ely have returned from the gay movie, and Max thinks it was awful. (Hard to believe, right?) “Why do queers always have to be so pathetic?” Max asks.

Ely disagrees: “We expect queer filmmakers to take the responsibility to represent the entire community, and I think that's a lot to ask.” Amen, sister.

Ely offers Max some tea, and hoo boy, the girl has quite a selection. And it's all herbal. There's even a box labeled “Menstrual-T.” She really likes tea. Max wants something cold, so what does Ely offer her? Iced tea.

They're getting along fine now. Max smiles warmly, and Ely doesn't seem like such a fidgety geek anymore.

Ely talks about her job as a nurse's aid for a pet hospital. Max tells her she killed a guinea pig once. Ely claims she severed a snake in two with the lawnmower, but taped it back together and it lived. Oh, the things we tell girls to impress them.

I guess it is impressive enough, because a moment later, they're kissing.

The phone rings. The machine picks up: “Hi sweetie, it's me. Are you there? Call me when you get in; I have some great news. I'm missing you today.” Beeeep .

Max asks innocently, “Is that your mom?” Ely says it's her girlfriend, Kate, who's been living in Seattle for two and a half years. Two and a half years. That's not a partner, honey. That's a pen pal.

Max immediately moves away from Ely on the couch. They sit in silence. Awkward, much?

Interstitials — A used tea bag, an old boot, a monkey playing a piano.

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