“Real Housewives of New Jersey” recap (5.8): When you gaze into an abyss

 
 

Giudice Room

Teresa and Juicy J are rapidly rewriting what just happened. ‘That little bitch was scratching my face,” says Joe who was definitely not just beat up at all no sir “and what his this black shit.” Joe’s shirt, hands, and clothing is covered with black smears the consistency of shoe polish.

Gorga Room

Joe and Melissa Gorga are recapping what just happened in similarly high tones. Joe is done with his sister, and Melissa is beyond down with being done with Teresa. “Saddam Hussein is someone’s brother too. That doesn’t mean he’s a nice person.” Saddam Hussein was probably a lot of people’s brother. Also, do you think Melissa Gorga knows Saddam Hussein is dead, and has been for quite some time? I can’t tell.

Giudice Room

Juicy J continues to explain why, although it might have seemed like Joe Gorga just won the fight, it was not a real win because Juicy J used uncool fag tactics and also Juicy J wasn’t even really trying. “He was biting my nuts. He bit my nuts… I had a clean shot at his nose but I didn’t take it.” Of course you did sweetie. “He called me scum!!!” Teresa repeats for the 44th time “What did I do I want to know?!” This is funny because Teresa has gone through great lengths NOT to hear what she did, ever. She has never and will never really want to know because Teresa knows, in her heart of hearts, that she has done nothing to cause anyone to be mad at her. “I don’t even know if my brother knows the meaning of family. If my dad knew he called me these insults…”Any slight to Teresa is a slight to her father, that hallowed saint. By calling Teresa scum, her brother has called her father scum and is therefore shitting on the sacred ground of family.

Wakile Room

Rosie is nursing her 14th scotch on the rocks and straight chillin’, chillin’ like a villain in a beige newsboy cap. Although RoRo and Teresa made technical peace, RoRo is not happy that instead of working things out on her own with her brother (via screaming), Teresa went outside to grab Juicy J, who clearly is not someone for calm discussion in the face of tension.

Kathy: I’ve never had to break up a fight before. I was just worried about my nose job.

madro

Oh preach girl preach. +10 points to Kathy for keeping it real. The Wakiles decide to go to the Giudice room. Rosie doesn’t want them to give up on trying to repair the relationship between families, Rich wants to tell Teresa that she is evil, and Kathy is just following the waves man.

Giudice Room

The Wakiles enter and immediately begin criticizing the Giudices, which irritates the Giudices to know end because criticizing them is criticising Teresa’s father, the importance of family, and probably Italy. Rich tells Teresa it was wrong to go running to Joe, and Rosie tells them to stick it out because she likes the open bar here. They convince Teresa to go to her brother and try to talk, but when she goes to the Gorga room Joe refuses to see her (he is sobbing, and has been for some time) and Melissa refuses to leave (her husband is sobbing). Teresa returns, filled with anger at this new slight. “Well he’s very upset…” Kathy points out, since Joe Gorga is indeed very upset to the point of uncontrollable sobs. “HE’S VERY UPSET?!” Teresa is pissed at Kathy’s empathy for Joe and therefore lack of empathy towards her, Teresa, the real victim here (and always) “WHAT ABOUT ME?? Think before you talk KATHY.” GOD Kathy.

GODKATHY

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