Ranking the Queer Quotient on TV’s summer shows

 
 

The regular season is winding to a close, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a long, hot, new episodes less summer. In fact, this summer season is busier than ever with new and returning series all over the dial. In fact, so many shows are out there it could take a little help to navigate the most worthy of your time. So I’ve devised a handy Queer Quotient ranking to help you decide which to watch. Hey, I’m helpful like that.

An exhaustive look at the shows premiering this summer:

Burn Notice, USA, June 3
Queer Quotient: 4
Miami, Gabrielle Anwar and Sharon Gless makes it just a tad gay.

Royal Pains, USA, June 3
Queer Quotient: 2
Two brothers living it up in the Hamptons should be a lot gayer than this.

Flashpoint, CBS, June 4
Queer Quotient: 3
Anything with women in SWAT gear is at least a little gay.

Drop Dead Diva, Lifetime, June 6
Queer Quotient: 8
It stars out comedian Margaret Cho and its guest stars in the first season included Rosie O’Donnell, Tim Gunn, Sharon Lawrence, Kathy Najimy and Jorja Fox.

Lie to Me, Fox, June 7
Queer Quotient: 5
Jennifer Beals was a regular guest star. So, right there that’s at least 5 points.

Persons Unknown, NBC, June 7 (New)
Queer Quotient: Unknown
It’s a mystery from the writer of The Usual Suspects. So at this point, it’s anyone’s guess.

True Blood, HBO, June 13
Queer Quotient: 9
Gay sexy vampires — what more do you want?

Leverage, TNT, June 20
Queer Quotient: 7
There was some speculation that master thief Parker (Beth Riesgraf) might be bisexual. But then it could just be that she is Jeri Ryan-sexual, like everyone else on the planet.

Scoundrels, ABC, June 20 (New)
Queer Quotient: 4
I love Virginia Madsen as much as the next gal, but not much about this comedy about a family of criminals sounds gay.

The Gates, ABC, June 20 (New)
Queer Quotient: 6
Supernatural drama set in a gated community stars Underworld: Rise of the Lycans Rhona Mitra and The L Word’s Janina Gavankar and is giving off a major Desperate Housewives meets True Blood feel.

The Real L Word, Showtime, June 20 (New)
Queer Quotient: 10
Oh, stop kidding yourself — you’re totally going to watch. Or at least fast forward to the good stuff.

Saving Grace, TNT, June 21
Queer Quotient: 7
Holly Hunter as a tough-talking, hard-drinking cop is pretty damn gay, even if her character isn’t.

Hawthorne, TNT, June 22
Queer Quotient: 5
Jada Pinkett Smith played a lesbian in The Women, so there’s that.

Memphis Beat, TNT, June 22 (New)
Queer Quotient: 3
Alfre Woodard can’t make this cop series with Jason Lee seem anything but super straight.

Rookie Blue, ABC, June 24 (New)
Queer Quotient: 7
Can we just go ahead and dub this the summer of cop shows? Well, at least this one has Stick It’s Missy Peregrym.

Entourage, HBO, June 27
Queer Quotient: 2
This is a straight dude show. Sure, they have Carla Cugino — but still.

Hung, HBO, June 27
Queer Quotient: 1
This is a show about a well-endowed male prostitute. This will probably get a higher QQ number over at AfterElton.com, but not from us gay ladies.

Louie, FX, June 29 (New)
Queer Quotient: 1
Comedian Louie C.K. is bad at dating women in this new series. Yeah, we’ve hit a dry spell in the gay department.

Rescue Me, FX, June 29
Queer Quotient: -1
Add last season’s sorry lesbian storyline to the fact that Tommy Gavin’s (Denis Leary) daughter Colleen said her previous lesbian experiences were “just a phase” and this show is pretty much the anti-gay. I’m glad Maura Tierney might have new show so hopefully she won’t have to come back.

Warehouse 13, Syfy, July 6
Queer Quotient: 6
Women in power suits, plus an X-Files vibe, plus Tricia Helfer as a guest star makes us a tad tingly.

Eureka, Syfy, July 9
Queer Quotient: 4
There was a little teasing that Deputy Jo Lupo might be coming out of the closet, but nothing came of it. Bummer.

The Closer, TNT, July 12
Queer Quotient: 7
The show had a lesbian officer last season and Kyra Sedgwick full time.

Rizzoli & Isles, TNT, July 12 (New)
Queer Quotient: 6
Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander end up in bed together in the first episode of this new crime procedural. OK, so it’s not in that way. But we all have imaginations.

Covert Affairs, USA, July 13 (New)
Queer Quotient: 8
Piper Perabo in a dress suit with a gun. Thank you, TV gods.

White Collar, USA, July 13
Queer Quotient: 8
While Matthew Bomer is more eye candy for our friends at AfterElton.com, the show is bringing back lesbian detective Diana Lancing played by Marsha Thomason.

Psych, USA, July 14
Queer Quotient: 1
As far as I can tell this show is pretty much two guys just acting silly.

Mad Men, AMC, July 25
Queer Quotient: 7
Joan, Betty and Peggy, oh my.

Rubicon, AMC, Aug. 1 (New)
Queer Quotient: 4
This new government conspiracy thriller co-stars Lili Taylor and Miranda Richardson — so we know the acting will at the very least be good.

Weeds, Showtime, Aug. 16
Queer Quotient: 9
Mary-Louise Parker plus Linda Hamilton as a lesbian? Be still my heart.

The Big C, Showtime, Aug. 16 (New)
Queer Quotient: 5
Nothing too gay but a lot of great actors with Laura Linney and Gabourey Sidibe in this dark comedy about a woman who learns she has cancer.

So there you have it. Which shows have you most excited? Which shows seem most queer? Discuss, and dust off your DVRs — it’ll be busy summer.

 
 

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