RachelWatch: The Revolution Rolls On

Today: Rachel shows incredible video from Iran and Governor Sanford goes to his happy place.

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Rachel started us off with an update on Iran with Trita Parsi of the National Iranian American Council. If you put money on the “relaxing weekend of barbeques” square, pay up.

Unless you count setting buses on fire as barbecuing.

“Basiji hunting”

And it gets more amazing. In addition to footage of protesters who seem to be picking up cans of tear gas and throwing them back at riot police, Rachel and Steve Clemons of The Washington Note discussed the small-scale fight against the militia. I’m fascinated by the implied added dynamic of fighting back against state-sanctioned local bullies.

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I was delighted to see different Republican viewpoints on how President Obama is dealing with Iran. I’m hoping this will become a trend in policing their own neocon blowhards.

No, you’re right — we’ll have to take it in shifts.

Thank you, Rachel, for insisting on playing the Law & Order “chung chung” noise when Fred Thompson (R – reruns) is referenced. May I suggest theme music for other mentions? Eric Cantor, of course, would be Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle.” May I suggest the theme from The Twilight Zone for Michele Bachmann?

Ms. Information

Last month, North Korea tested a nuclear weapon. So the U.N. passed a resolution that Good Guys/non-crazeballs could inspect their ships for safety, assuming we say pretty please with sugar on top and they say yes. Which is going about as well as you think it would.

The U.S.S. John S. McCain, to which Senator John McCain (R – Arizona) sent a tie and a new putter for Father’ Day, is currently shadowing the North Korean ship Kang Nam, which we believe may be up to no good. Without permission, the McCain can’t do too much to the Kang Nam except keep an eye on it.

The McCain has reportedly been sending the Kang Nam 20 or more text messages a day, keeps claiming it left its stern cozy over at the Kang Nam’s dock, and has at least twice “just happened” to show up at restaurants where the Kang Nam had a date.

The John McCain without a keel thinks we should board the Kang Nam, which would be an act of war. Against a country that has nuclear missiles, very bad aim, and a leader who thinks he inspires celestial events.

I feel bad — I could argue better against that plan if I could just find some sort of flaw.

Speaking of airtight plans, Congressman Dan Burton (R – Indiana) would like to protect Congress by encasing the House chamber in plexiglass. Don’t forget to poke holes in it! Oh, and drop in some lettuce leaves and some sticks for them to climb on.

Where in the World is Gov. Sanford?

Welcome to the weirdest story of the evening. Rachel reported that Governor Mark Sanford (R – until recently, South Carolina) had been missing since last Thursday.

Sanford apparently told his wife that he was writing something and needed some peace, so he left her alone with their four kids over Father’s Day weekend. And she was totally fine with that and didn’t ask him specifically where he’d be. Because that’s the kind of solid union people have when gays can’t get married in their state.

(At this point in the story, real news people have been understandably focusing on the Governor’s whereabouts, but I am dying to know what he needed to go away to write. A Two and a Half Men spec script? Epic free verse on the evils of Federal stimulus money? Fanfic?

I’m going with fanfic. You can’t have the kids around when you’re writing fanfic. Since Sanford isn’t available to comment, I’ll take it upon myself to serve as his representative and say that it’s Saved by the Bell fanfic. Oh, chill out — I’m sure he’ll be respectful of the College Years timeline.)

Rachel’s guest John O’Connor of The State said it’s not unusual for the Sanford to take off after a legislative session to de-stress.

Dude. You’re the Governor. You’re in charge of a state. Part of the deal is that you don’t just take off when you feel like it.

If you want a job where you get to blow town every time you have a case of The Frownies, you need to take one of those less health-insurancey jobs like table waiting or freelance surfboard waxing.

The latest story is that the Governor’s staff totally knew where he’s been the whole time (yeah, that’s why they’ve been trying to trace his cell phone) and he’s hiking the Appalachian Trail. While writing Saved by the Bell fanfic.

None of these stories really work with each other, so there’s clearly something else going on. I’m guessing he’s the victim of an ancient family curse, and must periodically retreat from the world to deal with bouts of madness and high-pitched yodeling.

Don’t be angry with him, South Carolina. He’s only trying to protect you.

Decision 1388

Rachel finished off with a collection of some of the astonishing amateur video coming out of Iran and a little silence.

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