RachelWatch: The Last Scramble to Block Health Care Reform

 
 

Today: The man who blew the whistle on Bernie Madoff and the man who busted down Pluto.

Desperadoes

Rachel checked in with a segment that seemed to come from Bizarro World: Health care reform is moving forward whether the Republicans want it to or not.

So, several Republicans figured, why not go for it and lie about what reconciliation is?

Fox News chalked up an assist. Do you think they all have to put their journalistic integrity in the same safety deposit box, or do you think they get individual cubbies? I hope they remember to punch holes in the lids.

Chile Earthquake

Rachel reported that Saturday’s earthquake killed more than 720 people and was so massive that it may have affected the Earth’s axis and rotation.

If you’d like to help, you can donate $10 to Habitat for Humanity by texting “Chile” to 25383 or text “Rebuild” to 50555 to donate $10 to Operation USA. To donate $10 to World Vision, text “Chile” to 20222.

They’re Baaaack!

You know how some people can’t stand to watch someone give blood and they just pass out? Or how in the olden days people used to swoon from being overwhelmed by love? OK, yes, overwhelmed by very tight corsets, but also by love?

What I’m trying to say is that sometimes when the human brain is confronted with too much emotion, it just checks out and decides to come back when things are a little less nuts, thank you very much.

I bring it up because the anti–health reform astroturfers of summer have returned and it is possible that during this segment you will be overwhelmed with revulsion due to corporate sleazebaggery. Throw some pillows around so you don’t bonk your head.

And have a friend on hand to make sure your eyes are closed if you pass out. The patented Tim Phillips Smile of Intense Fake Sincerity is something you can’t unsee.

The TRMS Interview

I always thought you’d have to be some sort of financial genius to run an investment scheme. Turns out all you have to do is draw a graph that goes up and say “Everything’s dandy!” As long as you don’t look nervous when you say it, no one checks!

I’ll see you suckers this time next year when I am obscenely rich. Who wants a solid marbletini?

Oh, and drop me a line if you’d like to invest in tulip futures. It’s a sure thing.

Anyway, Bernie Madoff used to run a wealth management company that worked just great except for the part where his investors couldn’t manage to get their wealth back.

Harry Markopolos could prove that Madoff was claiming activity and returns that were impossible. He just couldn’t get the SEC to listen.

Rachel wanted to know what the hell.

Ms. Information

Rachel noted that last week we finally had a great big bipartisan bill all set to do real, tangible good for the nation by extending unemployment benefits.

Unfortunately, nobody ran it by the ranking Senator from the Total Bastard party, Jim Bunning (Total Bastard – Kentucky).

Bunning’s one-man filibuster stopped unemployment benefits for 400,000 people, who I hope will take time between job searches to call his office at 202-224-4343.

Bunning is also all-by-himself responsible for the forced furlough of 2,000 transportation workers, a 21% cut in Medicare reimbursements, and a whole passel of other goodies.

Senator Bunning, who, let’s review, has stopped the money with which 400,000 people were hoping to buy food and pay rent, is annoyed that people in the dumb old media keep bugging him by asking about it.

Before you judge, keep in mind that while he was blocking their unemployment he also missed a basketball game.

Rachel also reported that conservadem Senator Blanche Lincoln (D – Arkansas) is up for re-election and thus has been busily swinging right to run against Republicans, because whoever heard of liberals getting angry enough to — whoopsie!

Lieutenant Governor Bill Halter (D) is stepping up to challenge Lincoln in the primary and just earned himself a modest donation from a certain childish columnist.

Oh, and several hundred thousand dollars from MoveOn.org and ActBlue.

Halter will be on The Rachel Maddow Show this Wednesday, and Lincoln will be on if she ever accepts the invitation.

Now will someone please primary Bart Stupak?

Moment of Geek

Rachel, like many of us, is having some trouble accepting Pluto’s loss of full planet status. I mean, jeez. Just because you’re a tiny, frozen lump of rock doesn’t mean you’re not awesome.

Some people think it’s an odd thing to get sentimental about, but who hasn’t at least once in his or her life developed strong feelings for a distant hunk of ice?

Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, in spite of being the very man who caused thousands of nerd hearts to shatter and forced Pluto to re-name its chain of restaurants to “One of a Belt Of Distant Rocks Hollywood,” still won me back over with an engaging interview.

He’s a great teacher, and The Pluto Files looks good.

But still: Pluto forever.

 
 

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