RachelWatch: Stupak – The Pitts

 
 

Today: Rachel walks us through the terrifying Stupak-Pitts amendment, Ana Marie Cox discusses the Republican purge, and Joe Lieberman is still a weasel.

Government-Run Health Care (But Only for Women)

Rachel started us off with an overview of the legislative poison pill that is the Stupak-Pitts amendment. Everyone set your clocks back 36 years.

Since they are so interested, ladies, please don’t forget to call Representatives Stupak (D – Michigan, 202-225-4735) and Pitts (R – Pennsylvania 202-225-2411) with daily updates on the state of your uterus.

Ask them for advice on feminine products, have them talk a younger loved one through her first period, or just settle in for a nice long uterine chat. Remember: They make up laws to control yours because they care so much.

Gentlemen, I don’t want to leave you out. Please feel free to call up Stupak and Pitts and speculate about what would be going on with your uterus if you had one.

This is a rare opportunity — Stupak and Pitts understand womanhood so well, they can probably give you some real perspective.

Right To Murder

Rachel reported that Scott Roeder confessed to shooting women’s health care provider Dr. George Tiller. He plans to use a “necessity defense” and try to put abortion itself on trial.

Rachel then ran through a few of the people in the anti-choice movement who have signed on to a “Defensive Action Statement,” which is essentially an attempt to justify killing people they disagree with.

I know there are people who are in anti-choice movement because they believe in the sanctity of life. I am waiting to hear the public statements in which they distance themselves from these vicious, coldblooded murderers.

And waiting.

How Joe Can You Go?

Senator Joe Lieberman (I – Connecticut) is still promising to kill health care reform, but has decided to win back the hearts and minds of a nation by jumping to rash conclusions about the Fort Hood shootings.

That and perfecting his ongoing Droopy Dawg imitation.

Rachel won 3,000 extra bonus points by working in the phrase “grandstanding uninformed preening camera time.”

For crying out loud, Democrats, take away Lieberman’s chairmanship.

Or at least his chair. Every time he tries to sit down, just take it away.

C Street Ban

Did you need a severe case of the heebie-jeebies?

How about a radical religious cult with members in both houses of Congress who believe women should be subservient to men and who wield enough power to push through astonishingly restrictive legislation?

Oh, and they are sooooo comfortable with the LGBT community.

Rachel welcomed author Jeff Sharlet, whose book The Family goes a long way toward explaining why American politics are the way they are, but is not recommended reading if you need a tranquil night’s sleep.

Best part of this segment: Sharlet gently suggesting that Stupak is something of an eejit.

A God-led government?

Does that mean irritating political figures would be afflicted with boils? Because I could maybe get behind that.

One More Thing:

C Street poster boy Senator John Ensign (R – Nevada) has moved out of C Street so as not to embarrass his roomies.

He then went around back and closed the barn door. Legends say years ago, the barn once held horses.

Rachel had a good time imagining C Street’s Craisglist posting for a new roommate. Are mistress payoffs included as part of the rent, or are they extra?

Ms. Information

Rachel reported that Fort Hood shooting suspect Major Nidal Hasan is conscious, off the hospital ventilator, and able to speak, though there’s no word yet on whether he has spoken about his motives.

There are reports that Hasan may have tried to contact Al Qaeda months ago, but most people are responsibly avoiding jumping to conclusions.

(Word on the street is that Lieberman jumped to his by standing on his chair. I’m just saying.)

Rachel also gave us a look back at the fall of the Berlin wall, including the bureaucratic error that started it all, secret spy tricks in the wall’s construction, and giant celebratory dominoes.

Normally I am a fan of the thorough TRMS reporting, but in this case I must register a harrumph. Not ONE shot of David Hasselhoff’s celebratory concert, Rachel?

Rachel also noted that genius businessman Rupert Murdoch wants to charge for his content. And is so ready to protect it that he wants to block Google from pointing you to it.

Because you’ll appreciate it more if you really have to hunt for it. Like the Illuminati or that secret bar at Disneyland.

Fringe and Purge

Rachel couldn’t resist reveling in simultaneous election nostalgia and anticipation and thus welcomed Ana Marie Cox (hooray!) for a look back at New York’s District 23 race and ahead at the coming Republican purges.

 
 

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