RachelWatch: Putting You off Your Prayer Breakfast

 
 

Today: Congressman Anthony Weiner on the health care compromise and Jeff Sharlet on The Family’s involvement with the anti-gay bill.

TRMS Investigates: Uganda Be Kidding Me

Rachel started us off with the news that the two very worst parts of the Ugandan anti-gay bill will be removed. It’s like the opposite of what’s been happening to our health care bill.

Don’t worry – there’s still plenty of awful left in there.

Rachel reported that the American influence on the creation of the bill is even bigger than we thought. Just in case you needed something specific to celebrate this coming 4th of July.

I’ve given the liberals in Congress a lot of flack for their ability to instantly dissolve their spines but now I see that I really haven’t been giving the folks on the far right enough credit. When it counts, you guys really know how to ooze under the plate.

It’s Complicated

Rachel moved on to the story that the public option is dead because even though a lot of Americans want and need it and even though it was so watered down that it would only have covered 1% of those anyway, it was still too scary because protecting our own citizens from needlessly dying of cancer equals One World Nazi Communism and will necessarily entail euthanizing old people with sledgehammers.

You know what? Screw this. Let’s stop pretending. We are a selfish nation whose government is run by giant insurance companies.

We will not, in our lifetimes, get anything passed that actually helps the people who need it most. There will always be someone who will scream that some sneaky undocumented alien might somehow get her kid’s pneumonia treated and there will always be a benighted, frothing segment of the population who will think that’s a really good point.

The Republicans are right: Let’s start reform over from scratch and make people earn it: Healthcare through the gladiator system.

You’ll be matched up with another uninsured person of the same height, weight, age, and affliction. (Trust me: There will be plenty of opponents to go around.)

You win the fight, you get the treatment.

If you’re a real crowd-pleaser, maybe you’ll even get a few preventive screenings, so step up those kickboxing lessons. Eye of the tiger!

Representative Anthony Weiner (D – New York) is feeling considerably less cynical about this process and its results than I am.

I’d like to be able to share his sense of optimism, but I can’t get mine replaced until I’ve won the quarterfinal.

Ms. Information

Rachel broke the sad news that come June, we’re all going to have to look elsewhere for new photos of unsightly men playing “Six Contractors, One Shot Glass.” The United States government will not, alas, be renewing ArmorGroup’s contract to guard our embassy in Afghanistan.

Looks like their clever “make the enemy helpless with retching” plan may have backfired.

In other Afghanistan news, Rachel noted that General McChrystal is claiming that the Taliban lost power in Afghanistan because they sucked at governing.

Except that according to The Washington Post, the Taliban currently has a shadow government running parallel to the Karzai government. Apparently they’re still total bastards, but at least they’re decisive.

Also they pay their local troops better.

If they learn how to make extra-rich fudge brownies, we may be in trouble.

Did you need your spirits lifted after that? OK, how about 40 feet?

Rachel took us to Hawaii’s Eddy Aikau surfing competition, which is only held when the waves are crazy huge.

Greg Long won with a perfect ride on a 40-foot wave. Try not to draw him as your flu shot cage fight opponent.

Moment of Geek

Norway, blue fireballs in the sky, and NBC News space analyst James Oberg. How much more excitement could you ask for?

Russian rockets? Oh, all right, but only because you’ve been good.

 
 

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