RachelWatch: “Obama’s full-court press conference”

 
 

Today: Republicans turn off the music and dangle Cheney’s coat.

President of All Media

Rachel started us off with a look at the Presidential press conference, during which Obama outlined his budget priorities: health care, energy, education, and silly walks serious efforts to reduce our budget deficit.

Oh, and sending CNN’s Ed Henry home with trying-not-to-cry face for asking one too many jerk-toned questions about the President’s reaction to the AIG scandal.

MSNBC political analyst Eugene Robinson joined Rachel to talk about how members of the general public seem to be handling the economic crisis in a more adult manner than much of the press and show off his supercool new glasses.

Conservademned?

In her discussion of the Republican response to the President’s budget, Rachel made me rewind my DVR twice to make sure she had really said that they had a “collective war metaphorgasm.”

It was funny, but I later had to do a lot of fancy work with an ice pick to drive out the images that were rising unbidden to my brain Eugh.

Moving on from the shudder inducing, Rachel touched on the fact that the Republicans can afford to be over-the-top, since the real make-or-break power may have fallen to Senator Evan Bayh (D-Indiana) and the group of “moderate Democrats” he has formed to keep our current legislative process filibusterrific.

Rachel welcomed Jane Hamsher of firedoglake.com, who suggested that following the lobbying money might give one a clue as to why there’s a sudden cadre of Democrats who are working to slow down legislation that banks don’t like.

That is so cynical. Maybe they just watched It’s A Wonderful Life a bunch of times and got all bank-sentimental.

Ms. Information

Rod Blagojevich is doing a little fill-in work at WLS radio in Chicago. See what we’ve done? We kept feeding the monster and he got a taste for media. I hope everyone enjoys him in MSNBC’s new 10:00 slot.

Remember when Bush declared war on Tara? Why does he hate Gone with the Wind so much? Shortly afterward, he declared the War on Terror.

Rachel gave us a rundown on the many wars after that, and then reported that, whatever else happens in Iraq and Afghanistan, the War on Calling Wars What They Really Are is going to be dragging on for a while.

Overseas Contingency Operation? For crying out loud, guys — the point of Newspeak is that it’s supposed to be pithy. Anyway, I’m sure Rachel will tell us more about it in her next story on the PlusPeace O-Coop.

GOP Exiled?

Rachel reported on the fact that now that Dick Cheney is out of the White House and has been forced to release their pets, Republicans have begun to send him some attractive gift baskets full of shut the hell up.

Cheney has been using his power to bend light waves and spontaneously swivel cameras in his direction to get all over the news lately, and Republicans hate it because they would rather be associated with someone who has a more warm and likable image, such as Calvin Coolidge or the anglerfish.

The thoroughly enjoyable Ana Marie Cox of Air America stopped by to talk about the Republican leadership vacuum that has left Cheney and a chronically inaccurate radio host as its most recognizable faces.

Both women are enthusiastic policy nerds and expressed a fondness for the two-party system and the results of meaningful debate. But only Cox would go out on a limb and admit to loving “crotchety old guys who Twitter.”

I’m a fan of Ms. Cox, but I’m kind of hoping Cheney starts Twittering just to see if she has to recategorize her heart.

GOP in Exile

Turns out Pele wasn’t sure that Bobby Jindal got the point she made in Tonga, so she blew up Alaska’s Mt. Redoubt, which had been dormant for 19 years.

Can we put somebody on a detail to make sure he doesn’t give any speeches about how it’s silly to monitor for asteroids, torrents of fire, or marauding sea monsters?

Wall St. Coup

Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone dropped in to help Rachel strike some productive fear into the hearts of the nation by pointing out that the only people who really understand current finance are the very same guys who took our economy for a joyride, blew out the engine, stripped off the chrome, and left it burning by the side of the road but for some reason got to keep the rims.

I hadn’t realized that things had actually gotten so bad that AIG figured out a way to choose their own regulators. But things had and AIG did, so we need everyone who isn’t already chin-deep in corruption to figure this stuff out.

Attention pharmaceutical companies: Now is your one chance to rehabilitate your image. Whip up a “make high finance not boring” pill and save the nation.

Side effects may include nausea, dry mouth, fury at being so thoroughly hoodwinked, and compulsive urges to give Jim Cramer atomic wedgies.

Until next time, I hope your day is doubleplusgood and volcano-free.

 
 

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