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“R&B Divas” star Monifah talks wedded bliss and dealing with haters

Everything seems to be coming up Monifah Carter these days. Her role on TVOne’s successful R&B Divas Atlanta has given her name a second chance at life post her ’90s “Touch It”-fueled stardom. After many years of addiction and tough times, she is now happy, clean, wise, and in love, and also just happens to be making history. Her marriage to her super-hot fiancee Terez, airing this Wednesday on the R&B Divas finale, will be the first ever African-American same-sex marriage to air on TV.

In addition, she’s making new music again, and her new single, “The Other Side,” hit the iTunes store this week. (Go get it, y’all!) Monifah took some time to talk to us this week about her wedding, her peace with the fact that her religious daughter decided not to attend, gay rights in the South, the future, and much more.

AfterEllen.com: First of all, congratulations on all that’s happened! Monifah: Thank you! I’m happy.

AE: It’s been beautiful getting to watch you on R&B Divas, especially this season. And I can’t wait for the big event this week. What was the best and the worst part of the wedding? Monifah: There were no worst parts, Jill. It was beautiful, and it was just the way it was supposed to be. And I had already made up my mind that I was not going to be crazy, and that I was going to enjoy the experience. I think people get caught up in the celebration and pleasing people. But the only people I had to please, that had to be pleased, were Terez and I. And once we made some hard lines in certain areas, we’re pretty easy going. We wanted a really natural looking theme, and we had an incredible wedding producer, Brit Bertino. So we made our minds up that we were going to have a good time, and that this is a happy occasion. Because we’d heard horror stories.

AE: Exactly! So you weren’t bridezillas. Monifah: No, I wasn’t. They were trying to make it seem like I was. I mean, I worried. I was nervous. I had nerves, and I was a little short-fused as far as patience and stuff like that. But it wasn’t about the wedding. I was dealing with a lot of things at one time. And then the fact that there was going to be cameras at our wedding, you know what I’m saying?

AE: Yeah, I was going to ask how you felt about having such a personal event also be this kind of landmark, historic thing of the first televised African-American, same-sex wedding. That’s a lot of stuff to deal with at once. Did you have to just put that stuff to the back of your mind and just focus on yourselves? Monifah: Well, the reason why we shared the ceremony is that we felt it was bigger than us, on a social level or a civil rights level. And of course, because Terez surprised me, asking me to marry her on national television-

AE: Right! Monifah: We weren’t necessarily planning it like that. We didn’t really know if we were going to have the cameras. They asked, and we were like, well, we have to think about it. We thought about it. And what it was was that it was bigger than us. We thought it was something we had to do. Because with the climate of social change and the climate of same-sex representation, and legal, political things, transgender rights-our community, period, the LGBTQ community, we thought it was really, really important.

AE: I agree. I give you serious props for doing it. Monifah: We gotta normalize it. This is part of the new American family. Same-gendered couples are a part of America. This is nothing new, but the new part of it is that we’re able to be protected under the same laws as heterosexual couples that are married. That is what is different. But as far as being productive members of society, there’s nothing different there.

AE: Speaking of those kind of rights, do you have any hopes for those kind of rights coming to Georgia? It seems like there’s this same-sex marriage train all over, but the South… Monifah: Yeah, what they call the Bible Belt in America? There are people that are really set in their ways on a lot of issues, not just same-gendered marriage, and not just LGBTQ issues. It’s all across the board. It’s race. It’s class. All that stuff. In this area, there needs to be some change. There has to be change. There just has to be. And if I have to be a voice, I will be. I have to be a voice, clearly. I think we’re going to have to really do some work in certain states, real footwork. You know?

AE: Yeah, for sure. I feel like it’s getting there. Even in the Bible Belt, there’s hope. Monifah: I have hope. Absolutely, I have hope. Individually, people are way more compassionate and non-judgmental than I think the media would like to make us think. Because I think the media pushes a lot of propaganda based on thinking you have a lot of ignorance and hate. You know, we have our fair share of that. But I believe that there’s way more people that are loving and compassionate and non-judgmental than there are people that hate. I just do.

AE: And it seems like you do have so much support from all corners of your life. But when you do have haters, like say on Twitter, you always respond so gracefully. I’ve seen Cory Booker do this too. You just say, “God bless you,” and then that’s it. Like-how do you do that?! Monifah: You know what it is? Not personalizing. Because that has nothing to do with me. Those comments, really, at the end of the day, I’m sorry, but they have nothing to do with me. Because this person doesn’t know me, truly. They have a small window into my life, and they know what they know. But it’s not enough to make a judgment call.

And even if they did, I’ve learned in my journey so far that you can’t take 95% of this shit personally in life, period. You gotta just keep it pushin’. Know you’re going to be making mistakes. Get comfortable in your skin or die trying. And keep living your life for you-in love, respectful of others, considerate of other people, and that’s it. I can’t be worried about what people say on Twitter. Really?

And usually, it’s people encouraging me, and telling me, yeah, good job, or girl, don’t wear that hair like that no more, ’cause that’s crazy. [Laughs] But the people that don’t support it, don’t support it. They don’t make a difference. So God bless, and keep it movin’. That’s just how I think about it.

AE: That’s inspirational. Because sometimes it’s hard not to react. [OK, read: it’s hard for ME.] Monifah: I mean, I’m human. When I have one of those moments, I go to Terez and we talk about it. And we have our pow-wow. And then it’s over.

AE: Speaking of Terez, I know at the end of last season, you were really pressuring her to move to Atlanta. But I feel like the situation wasn’t quite clear this season. So is she still in New York? Monifah: Yeah. Our home is in New Jersey. I’m back and forth, working in Atlanta and doing stuff that I need to do there. But Jersey is still home. I’m kind of giving them a minute to get it together. And like I said, we might need to go down there and shake it up, and be part of the change that we want to see happen.

AE: I just saw that you have a new single out. Monifah: Yeah!

AE: Is there a date for when a full album is going to drop? Monifah: No. It’ll be early fall or late summer. I’m getting that prepared; it’s almost there. And there’ll probably be one more single before, to lead the album in.

AE: That’s really exciting. Do you have any plans for a tour? Monifah: I’m going to be working, and you can keep up with me on social media, @THEMONIFAH. I’m just pushing the single, and hopefully it’ll get rave reviews, and they’ll have me working a lot this summer.

AE: I have no doubt that you’re going to be busy. Monifah: Thank God.

AE: On a more personal level, what are the plans for you and Terez in the future? Have you talked about possibly expanding your family? Monifah: Yeah, we have. Whatever is going to happen, we’ll figure it out. We’ll know. We want to, but then there’s another part of me, I mean, my daughter’s 23. I’ll probably be a grandma maybe in the next four years. And so, I don’t know. [Laughs] If the situation comes up, or we decide to adopt, or actually do IVF or something, I’m not sure. But it’s definitely something we talk about.

AE: The future is wide open! Monifah: Well, I’m 42. I don’t know if I want to be pregnant at 44. I would want to do it soon.

AE: You mentioned your daughter, Akemi. We haven’t seen her much this season. So people are curious. Did she come to the wedding? Monifah: No, she didn’t. She didn’t want to.

AE: Hm. Her decision. I think the way that you’ve shown your love for her and dealt with that has been really inspiration to everyone. Monifah: I mean, that’s the way she is. She did just message me on Facebook. She’s like, “I miss you, I’m happy for you.”

AE: Aw. Monifah: I’m like, call me! Because I haven’t seen her in a few months. She lives in West Palm Beach. So she’s been working; she’s finishing up some school. She’s dragging school out. So she’s got her own stuff going on. She’s happy. She’s doing her. And I think I’m going to go and visit her. Because I miss her face. I’m missin’ her.

But you know, yeah, life goes on, and my day was beautiful. Our day was super beautiful.

AE: People talk about there being taboos about homosexuality in the black community in particular. I was wondering if that’s something you’ve experienced, or whether you think that’s a stereotype that we have to kind of move forward from. Because you know, I know a lot of white homophobes, too. Monifah: Yeah, that’s not-I don’t think it’s so much more a black thing. I think that it’s more based in the area of religion across the board. I don’t think it’s a culture thing, I think it’s the religious thing, the belief thing. And I don’t know, just kind of hiding behind it, and not dealing with it, and not having open dialogue, and just thinking one way.

Love is love. And love and sex are two completely different things. It seems like that’s the first thing that people think of when they think of same-gender love. They go right to the physical. And it skips over the actual relationship and connection. Because you have shallow and superficial connections in hetero AND homosexual relationships. It’s really about having healthy, real connections with people, whether they’re love relationships or familial relationships. I think it’s important to have good relations, period.

AE: Thanks for talking to me today. I know you’ve been traveling a lot, and are probably exhausted. Monifah: We love the recaps. They are hilarious. Oh my god, I am usually peeing myself laughing.

AE: [Laughing] I’m glad that you like them! Monifah: We appreciate the support, all the ladies, so thank you.

AE: Is there going to be a fourth season of the Divas? Do you know yet? Monifah: Yeah, they’ve got us for four seasons, so I hope we’ll be back.

AE: Do you think the cast will stay the same? Monifah: I don’t see why not. I think this was one of the best seasons.

AE: Lastly, how’s Kitty doing? Monifah: Kitty is fantastic. I know she misses me. She’s probably cursing me out, like, where is she? But I’m going to see her soon. I love my baby. She’s so fabulous and disrespectful and all of the above. She loves the house. I can’t wait to kiss her up right now.

AE: And give Terez a big hug. Obviously, the lesbian community loves you, but they also LOVE Terez. Monifah: I know! You might want to talk to her yourself. She’d love that.

R&B Divas Atlanta two-part finale special hosted by Wendy Williams airs on July 2 and July 9 at 10 PM ET.

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