“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.6): I Know Why the Cannibal Bird Sings

The best part of their manic tizzy is they find this drawing of a Godzilla burying Mrs. DiLaurentis in her own backyard. Just a little arts and crafts project Bethany Young did at Radley. After consulting his security cameras, Ezra sees that Eddie Lamb is the one who left it on his doorstep.

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You’d think Hanna would be in a manic tizzy too, trying to get ready to get Ali the heck out of here, but Hanna already had those bags packed and that ticket purchased and those lasagna dollars ready to go weeks ago. She makes Ali some sandwiches and tells her to get in the car and she’ll drive her to literally anywhere that is not here, but Ali needs to run home and get axe-murdered first.

Emily rushes into Hanna’s room shouting about how Melissa and Lucas are working with Mona to destroy Alison, and then she spots the train ticket and the bags and the wad of Benjamins.

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Emily: HOW DARE YOU LET HER DO A DANGEROUS THING SHE WANTS TO DO WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST?
Hanna: I think what you’re doing right now is what Paige did that made you break up with her?
Emily: YOU’RE LETTING HER GO BECAUSE YOU WANT HER TO GO.
Hanna: Huh?
Emily: SHE’S BEEN BACK FIVE MINUTES AND YOU’VE ALREADY REVERTED TO THE INSECURE, SHOPLIFTING, DRANK-DRANKING PERSON YOU WERE WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE.
Hanna: Takes a backslider to know a backslider. Don’t think I didn’t see you with the googly-eyes and the hand-holding. I saw you all right. We all saw you.
Emily: SHE WAS SCARED AND SHE REACHED FOR ME AND I DID WHAT SHE NEEDED ME TO DO.
Hanna: Second verse, same as the first. Of fifth season, same as the flashbacks, I guess.
Emily: THESE ARE MY HATE-EYES. I AM GOING TO ALI’S. DON’T YOU FUCKING FOLLOW ME.

I know some of you guys love how Emily is being with Ali, but I do not. She’s like a Gollum with a ring. We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Liars. Wicked, tricksy, false! Where would she be without me, gollum, gollum? I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me! Master looks after us now. We don’t need anyone anymore. 

It’s freaky. I do not like it.

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Emily rushes over to Ali’s, where she is being strangled to death by an A with her mother’s scarf after being walloped in the back with a fire-poker. It’s one of the scariest thing this show has ever done. It is filmed like a horror movie with a lot of wrasslin’ and gaspin’ and of course Emily gets thwacked too, so hard she’s not even going to be able to doggy-paddle now. She thwarts A and A runs for it and whew. But actually, Ali says it wasn’t A. She says this particular hoodie could have chosen to kill her but decided to strangle her and everyone knows she can hold her breath for several days so this person was just trying to scare her. They sure as balls scared me. I don’t want Ali to die again! We barely even know her yet!

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