“Pretty Little Liars” recap (4.08): Come to Vanderjesus

 
 

Mona is pleased as punch to help Hanna because she is in big gay love with her, first of all, and also, no one has ever asked her to display her superpowers before. And I mean, that’s exactly what Mona does. She is so potently adrenalized that simply speaking her hyperreality aloud to another person changes the fabric of space and time. Over and over she walks Hanna through this scenario about how she killed Wilden, prodding at the edges of her memory and stitching up the holes in her imagination until Hanna is standing in the past shooting Wilden with conviction. It’s surprisingly satisfying watching her gun that bastard down. Finally, when Mona’s work is complete, she just goes, “Tell the truth.” Because she created a new truth. Because she is god.

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Caleb walks in on them when their minds and souls are joined together by the golden thread of Mona Mania and calls the whole thing off, mostly because of jealousy. A little bit because kid prison is still prison.

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So get a load of this. Mona goes to RPD HQ, just sashays right up in there looking like actual sex, and asks to speak to a detective about a murder. There’s this one part of you that thinks she’s been recording Hanna saying she killed Wilden all afternoon and is going to sell her out to the coppers, but no! No! That flawless bitch confesses to the murder herself! The Liars come running because what in the hell, right? And just as they descend upon the police station, Mona locks eyes with Hanna from inside the detective’s office, and smirks. Smirks. And the cops close the blinds on her perfect face.

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On the one hand, true love. On the other hand, she’s got to be pulling the strings on a couple of long-game schemes. Goddamn, I love that girl.

The Risen Mitten drills some holes in a floor underneath a kitchen table. It seems pretty tame until you think about the last time the Risen Mitten did just a little bit of construction work, Toby plummeted off some scaffolding and nearly died, after which he was quickly converted to the A-Team. Frankly, though, since I couldn’t find any fault with her presence in the episode, I blame this act of sabotage on Rumer Willis.

Next week: All the lesbians are back. All of them. God willing, someone will even by be-bopping around in a Maya mask.

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