“Pretty Little Liars” recap (4.03): Mama Said Knock You Out


Caleb is strolling along the road by himself when Mr. Marin pulls up and drops some information onto him: He says Ashley came to see him during the time she is claiming she was in New York. She asked for money. He said no. When she left, he thought to himself, “Where’s my gun?” So he went and looked and his gun was gone, so obviously Ashley stole it with an Accio! summoning charm while his back was turned.

By all means, let’s listen to this guy, Caleb. He abandoned his wife and daughter, forced them to live off lasagna dollars for years, came back to town parading his awful new step-daughter who one time alcohol poisoned Hanna and caused her to puke on a wedding dress, cheated on his fiance with Ashley, dropped in and out of Hanna’s life like some kind of Hastings, and what else? Oh! Yeah! He shouted at Mamaw Marin! So, forgive us for not believing a goddamn word you say, Tom.

Mama drama download:

When Emily returns home from letting a creepster make an exact copy of her face, which will certainly not come back to haunt her, literally or otherwise, I’m sure, her mom tells her Child Protective Services called. They want to interview her because of the fight she and Emily had outside of school this afternoon. They called Papa Fields, too, and he’s coming home from Army to get interviewed also. What’s sad is that Emily can’t tell her mom that Child Protective Services isn’t even a real thing in Rosewood, as evidenced by the fact that the Liars and Mona and Jenna and Toby and Caleb and Mike Montgomery aren’t all in foster care, but that Ali’s ghost set up these “interviews” and will be conducting these “interviews” while wearing various masks, and the only thing that’s going to come of it is that Pam’s going to feel shitty for a long, long time, even though all she wants to do is love and protect her daughter.

When Hanna returns home, Ashley is pretending to take a bath but is really just staring at herself in the mirror and feeling freaked out about whatever it is she did — which, again: who cares? Nothing could make us/Hanna stop loving her! She apologizes through the door for yelling at Hanna and Hanna apologizes through the door for snooping around all the time. It’s very sad.

When Aria returns to the Brew, she decides the most selfless thing she can do is to tell Ella to follow her bliss to Austria. Not only will it make her happy to live in that castle and eat that strudel, it’ll keep her safe from the hell that A is putting everyone else’s moms through right now. Ella, amazingly, doesn’t even consult/mention Mike. As soon as Aria gives her the go-ahead, she goes ahead. The other heartbreaking thing about this scene is the way that Aria looks at Kung Fu Jake. It’s very good acting by Lucy. Her whole face, her eyes especially, look at him like he’s Not Ezra. She doesn’t even see him. She just sees he’s not the person she wants sitting across from her. (Although she probably should pay attention to him just a little because I swear he’s seeking some kind of retribution for Garrett.)

And finally, since Spencer doesn’t have a mom, Melissa shakes her down in her bedroom about whether or not she’d ever take the fall for Melissa for doing shady dealings. Two things are crazy: 1) Spencer is hiding a Melissa-shaped mask that Hanna found at the mask-maker’s cabin while Melissa is interrogating her. And 2) Melissa’s like, “Remember when you asked me one time if I’d choose you over somebody I love, if push came to shove? Would you do that for me?” She flat-out tells Spencer she doesn’t love her. It’s amazing.

The Risen Mitten puts on one of the records from her collection of children’s tunes. Tonight it is “The Bone Song,” which she bebops to while looking at the X-Ray Emily got earlier in The Other Doctor’s office. Maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s the way my heart is flooded with affection because of today’s Supreme Court rulings, but I’m pretty sure that’s the most beautiful ribcage I’ve ever seen.

Maggie (@margaretrosey), my screencapping partner, works her ass off every week to make these recaps the best they can be. Follow her on Twitter and give her an air-high-five for being the best. And hey, if you’re a PLL creative reading this recap: Those amazing SCOTUS decisions today? You helped changed the conversation in this country about gay women, which means you helped changed the world. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you.

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