“Pretty Little Liars” recap (4.03): Mama Said Knock You Out

After school, the Liars make plans to get together and sort through more of the stuff Emily keeps thieving from the DiLaurentis place, but they don’t get very far into the logistics because Pam arrives and snatches Emily up by her elbow and starts hollering about how when she was doing her daily counting of all the pills in the medicine cabinet — which, let’s be honest, is totally a Pam Fields’ move — she noticed seven missing opiate tablets. Interesting, isn’t it, considering The Other Doctor called just a minute ago to tell Pam he has suspicions that Emily is pill-popping. Pam’s face, man. It’s tortured. Like, here’s a lady who sent Emily’s girlfriend away to drug prison for possessing one half of one joint, but Emily is her baby and she’s an actual angel from the heavens. Emily jerks her arm away from Pam and everyone in the whole schoolyard gawks and gawks. They’ve never, in all their lives, seen someone parent their child. A Tyrannosaurus Rex showing up and ripping up trees by the roots would be less shocking.

As Emily and Pam are driving away, Aria gets a text from A, who is talking like Yoda today: “Suffer, your moms will. Shovels, I will plant on their persons. Rat’s blood, I will smear on their trophies. Worms, I will deposit into their Chinese carryout. Barns, I will lock them inside. Bell towers, I will hurl them from. Masks of their faces, I will use to rob banks and do porns.”

It’s Hanna’s turn to do the daily Liar crawl by the police precinct and today’s trip is very fruitful. There’s a murder chart front-and-center, with photos of everyone in town connected by yarn and post-it notes and arrest warrants and who knows what all. Maggie screencapped the chart in glorious HD. I don’t have room to put all the pics here, but you can check them out on her Tumblr. The most interesting things on the murder web: Wren’s photo has a note beside it that says “Dr.” Kingston. (He’s not a real doctor?!) Paige’s name is highlighted on the police report about the night Emily stabbed Lyndon James in the gut. (“State of distress,” it says about her.) There’s a piece of paper taped to Aria’s face that has an arrow pointing up to Spencer’s face with a note that says “Would do anything for her.” (Police are Team Sparia too.)

New Wilden drags Hanna out and tells her not to worry about the fact that everyone she loves is about to be arrested for killing a couple of cops.

For reasons I’m still not clear on, Caleb goes to Mr. Marin’s office and explains that even though Ashley and Hanna probably didn’t kill Wilden, they’re both probably going to take the fall for it, and since they have the kind of relationship where whoever didn’t do it will confess to doing it to keep the other one from going to jail, they’re going to need some legal representation pretty soon. Mr. Marin is like, “I hate both of those bitches so much. Why are you even telling me this?” Caleb doesn’t really know, to be honest. Whittling sticks by the campfire with his dad made him feel good. It confused him.

Emily and Aria plunder more of Ali’s things while trying to make each other feel better about the ever-increasing size of the lies they have to tell. Aria plucks an eyeball out of Ali’s Mardi Gras mask and inside is another mask, which shocks them, even though they have to know by now that Ali’s main fetish in life was anything she could craft into a Russian nesting doll situation. The mask inside the mask is a copy of Ali’s face, of course. They call Hanna — who is happy to get out of her house and away from her mom, who keeps getting angrier and angrier when she finds Hanna pillaging her shit — and she decides they should ride on out to the mask-maker’s cabin in the woods and ask him how many of these Ali masks he made and also ask for a list of people to whom he sold them.

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