“Pretty Little Liars” recap (4.23): Nice day for a Red Wedding

 
 

Emily corners Jason at school and demands to know why he ran off last night when he clearly heard Spencer and Emily yelling at him. It’s because he’s feeling a loyalty to his mom these days because of something that happened in rehab and also because he keeps flashing back to a thing he doesn’t want to talk to Spencer about. To wit:

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Jason: [Stoned and half-asleep on the couch, as reliable as ever in his backwards narration.]
Jessica: Look, if you’re getting bullied via text message, you find out who the shit is doing it and you throw a firecracker at their head, you feel me?
Alison: This beeswax, like all beeswax, is none of your beeswax.
Jessica: You think it’s Spencer threatening you? You think she’s mad because I made your dumb brother with her dumb father and then let dumb Melissa have incest with him?
Alison: Don’t make me hold my breath, lady.
Jessica: Let me see your phone.
Jason, from the couch: [Giggles]
Jessica: Ugh, this fucker. How long you been eavesdropping, twat?

Emily is like, “Well, why were you eavesdropping, twat? Are you in league with that shitbird Paige McCullers, tryin-a get Ali killed? Is that why you left me in that elevator shaft?” He looks at her like she’s a full-on mental basket, gets in his car, drives away.

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Spencer isn’t sleeping well in her own bedroom because of Mrs. D standing across the yard staring at her all night long, so she retires to the couch, where Dean Stavros finds her and offers to read her a bedtime story. It must be a real snoozer because next thing you know, Veronica walks in and finds Dean asleep on Spencer’s butt. Well, she fires him right then, you’d better believe it, even though Spencer is like, “Mother, do you think I really slept with this age-inappropriate man? I only do that when it involves one-upping Melissa.” Veronica thinks that’s a pretty valid argument, actually, but she fires Dean Stavros anyway and says she really wishes she’d gone with her gut and hired Mrs. Featherbottom from Scotland.

After Dean Stavros has hit the road, Spencer asks again if Veronica will please just tell her whether or not she murdered Alison. Veronica will not, but she opens up a single memory to her: She was in the backyard cleaning up a bunch of clothes litter. Pants, shirts, shoes, scarves. Alison was cutting through the Hastings’ yard because she was past her curfew. Veronica doesn’t remember her as a brat; she remembers her as a semi-rebellious, super sad teenage girl shouldering the burden of too much insight into the way humans work.

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Ali was all, “Melissa and Spencer tried to strangle each other with all their clothes again, huh? Want some help cleaning up?” Veronica did not want help. What she wanted were answers about why it seemed like there were twin (wink, wink) Spencers running around town, one of them being an exemplary student and the other one being a homicidal maniac. Ali shrugged and then homicidal Spencer stepped out of the shadows lookin’ crank and vicious.

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