“Pretty Little Liars” recap (4.22): All the Town’s Shovels

At the Brew, Hanna apologizes for tripping and catching her lips on Holden’s lips. He says it’s cool, he ain’t mad, but he does have a question: Does she know which hoodlum left a note in a police car that claimed Alison DiLaurentis is alive and running a noodle-money laundering scheme just down the road under the guise of A.D. Enterprises? Hanna doesn’t know but when Spencer began cracking good and proper once again, she took it upon herself to become well-versed in every area of sleuthing, handwriting analysis chief among her chosen subjects, so she will definitely get to the bottom of this note.


In her Syracuse hotel room, Aria wakes up in a pile of mini-bar liquor bottles claiming a hangover while looking like one hundred thousand dollars. Which, incidentally, is how much it costs to drink that much from a hotel mini-bar. Riley thinks the best way to cure a hangover is to bang on his guitar and then have sex, which I have found to absolutely not be true, and in fact if someone ever tried that shit with me after a night of breakup drankin’, I would shovel them, I am telling you the truth. Who plays a musical instrument next to a hungover person’s head? A monster, that’s who.

After a nice, hot shower — Hey, remember when Spencer’s shower came to life and attacked her? Hands down one of the best PLL moments ever — Spencer crawls into bed and finds herself lounging in some grave dirt. There’s a note from A talking about, “You dug her grave and here is some dirt from it and so good luck getting to sleep tonight, punk.” Spencer’s face is so grossed out! She has never been so grossed out! One time she almost ate a plate of live worms and she wasn’t so grossed out!


Rosewood High courtyard. Travis and Hanna take turns asking each other on dates until one of them finally agrees that they should go out on a date. Emily, watching from the shadows like a creeper, pounces as soon as Travis walks off, talking about, “Hanna, your boyfriend’s show was just cancelled like a week ago; how about a little sensitivity?” And Hanna is like, “You know what’s weird? You’re like really into saving Mona’s relationship with Mike and my relationship with Caleb but you haven’t done a single thing to salvage your relationship with Paige since you stood her up at the hoedown but last-second danced with her because of mushy squash.” Just kidding, Hanna doesn’t say that. I say that. Hanna says, “Eh, the timing’s weird, but Travis is better than no hobo at all.”

At home, Dean Stravos makes Spencer a spinach smoothie that she glares at like she is so sure vegetables are going to fix what’s wrong with her. Dean is all, “What’s wrong with you?” And she’s like, “Either dreams or hallucinations or memories of … I’m not going to say ‘shovels’ but I’m also not not going to say ‘shovels.’” He tells her he doesn’t know what that’s about. Some drug counselor he is. She says she’s going to take a shower, when really what she is going to do is sneak away and try to call Toby on a land line because desperate times call for desperate measures. Dean Stravos catches her and is a jerk about it.


Detective Holbrook and Detective Roma Maffia(!) accost Hanna on the street with a good cop/bad cop routine about how they know she’s the one who left the Ali tipoff letter in the police car and it won’t be hard to pin it on her and this is very serious business. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, says, “As usual, you all continue to be adorable and also completely terrible at your jobs. Luckily for you I can be adorable and competent at the same time, so I’m going to do your work for you now, again: as usual. Bye.” After she leaves, Holbrook and Roma Maffia talk about how much they like her even though she’s clearly a criminal mastermind.

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