OK, Hogan, wrap it up. So Spencer goes to the Brew to find Aria and tell her about Ezra, but as soon as she’s finally plucked up the courage to do it, Hanna comes running in to tell them she’s found Ali, who is working in a burlesque club. They run down there as fast as they can, hindered only by the way Spencer keeps halting their progress to correct the spelling on the posters on the wall. Backstage, Aria is like, “Oh, no! We’re too late! These Rockettes have been blown to smithereens!” But it is just a bunch of sultry dancing-lady clothes strewn about.
When Ali finds them back there, she is furious. Bringing A to her doorstep again? Are you effing kidding her? They try to reason with her, like, “I mean, you kind of owe us some explanations about your resurrection and the sexual predator death match you’ve gotten us locked into.”
But Ali won’t hear it! She accuses Spencer of leading A right to her because Spencer wants her dead! Because Spencer doesn’t want to fall back down to second place! Because she’s sure they’re all sick and tired of having Spencer boss them around! Aria and Hanna and Emily all tell her to shut her petulant damn mouth, in way way or another, but she will not be silenced! Ali asks everyone if they have anything to tell Aria, and then she asks Aria if she has anything she’d like to ask everyone, and they all stare at each other awkwardly for a few minutes. Luckily their weird silence is shattered by the sound a of a bullet coming through the window.
They run outside where Ezra is standing at the end of a shadowy ally telling Aria to come out there so he can take care of her and love her better than everyone else. Ali goes, “Still, you guys? You’ve seriously got nothing to say to Aria?” She’s actually right. They’re so afraid of making her uncomfortable that they let her walk a million miles into the shadows, to her probable death.
Fortunately, Spencer-Toby is waiting there and he has cold-clocked Ezra. They all get into his car, except for Ali, who, once again, uses their near-deaths as her smokescreen to make an escape. Inside the car, Aria asks a hundred times what thing they need to tell her while Toby yells, “Look at the pages, not at the book! Look at the pages, not at the book!” He finally swerves into oncoming traffic, which wakes real-world Spencer right the fuck up.
And she has her answer: Ezra changed stuff in Ali’s diary. Not a lot of stuff, just some stuff. The bad news: He knows they know he’s A. The good news: He doesn’t know Spencer has the original pages of Ali’s diary in her phone. So now all they have to do is figure out what he changed and why he changed it and that should keep them occupied well into season five.
Also, they have to tell Aria the truth. But hey, at least she’s not dating Ezra anymore so it won’t be quite as — oh, never mind. They’re fully making out in the middle of the living room at Aria’s house.
The Risen Mitten sent Ali a telegram: Break a leg. Stop. Kisses, A.
Joseph Dougherty, you, sir, are a world-class storyteller, which is the weightiest compliment I could ever give you. I don’t think I have ever enjoyed an episode of television more, in all my life.
Thank you a zillion thank yous to my screencapping partner Maggie (@MargaretRosey) who sent this week’s caps over with a note that said “Bra straps :).” Check out all her caps on Flickr. They’re so beautiful lined up like that together.