“Pretty Little Liars” recap (4.19): Kiss Me Deadly

Down at the lodge, Ezra tells Toby that people are just no damn good and also that Alison DiLaurentis is still super duper alive, which is true, and in fact she is standing in Spencer’s living room right this second wearing the thing from the portrait, posing just like the portrait, bemoaning the fact that she’ll always be young and hot in the portrait, but not in real life. So Spencer goes, “Reckon I better kill you, then, and you won’t have to worry about what you’ll look like when you’re old.”

Ali laughs about “Immortality, my darling!” I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing Sasha Pieterse is in this episode. She just kills it in every direction. Ali mocks Spencer for not being able to put her diary’s clues together to solve the big mystery; feigns fear like if Spencer can just go black-and-white mental like this standing in her kitchen, who’s to say she didn’t kill Ali in a waking dream and bury her in the backyard; laughs like a woman-child, like if Marilyn Monroe and Shirley Temple‘s giggles were coming out of the same mouth. It’s terrifying and it’s amazing.


Spencer tries to eat some more Adderall, but knocks the whole bottle into the sink and just when you think the garbage disposal is going to chop off her whole hand, Toby grabs her and tells her to snap out of it. Also he arrests her and takes her down to the precinct and talks about her in the third person like she’s not sitting right there, which is so wonderful because it’s like Spencer is Toby talking to Spencer about Spencer.

He slams his hand down on the table and Toby-Spencer says about Spencer to Spencer: “Spencer is the smart one; Spencer doesn’t get confused.” He also says, “Since when does the devil give out free samples?” which is an awesome thing to say, I don’t even care what the context is. I’m going to start saying it all the time. Spencer finally confesses that Ali is alive, but that’s really all she’s got. The only other thing she’s thinking is that A didn’t just materialize from thin air. You gotta feed a beast to make it that strong, that hungry.


The idea she’s dancing around is they’re living in Ali’s version of The Narrow Margin, which, I forgot to say earlier, takes place almost entirely on a train. Spencer’s thinking what if everything that is happening to them isn’t happening because of them, but is happening because Ali is orchestrating it to cause chaos, like they’re running interference for her and they don’t even know it, so she can perpetrate some kind of revenge in broad daylight.

The lady in The Narrow Margin who’s seeking revenge for her husband’s death isn’t really the lady who’s seeking revenge for her husband’s death; she’s an undercover cop pretending to be the lady seeking revenge for her husband’s death so the real lady seeking revenge for her husband’s death can walk through the gunfire unscathed. Spencer’s thinking maybe they’re the noise Ali is making to keep the beast occupied. She’s thinking the real story is “This is a Dark Ride” told from Ali’s point of view. Also, probably she’s thinking she looks really good in drag.

Aria is enjoying a glass of champagne with Ezra down at the lodge talking about how it’s the classiest of all drinks, and he goes, “Speaking of your naivete, I’ll bet you didn’t know that I know that Alison is alive.” This is a cool edit. The camera gets in Aria’s face and her eyes snap open wider than any pair of eyes you’ve ever seen.


Hanna works the switchboard like a champ, reminding Mable of a three-sailor favor she did for her and requesting a callback number for someone named Alison who one time called the Fitzgerald Arts Foundation. I’d watch an entire spin-off of Hanna Marin as a 1940s switchboard operator, I really would. Six full episodes of her just smacking gum and pulling faces.

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