“Pretty Little Liars” recap 4.12: The Chamber of Secrets


The finally pop off the coffin lid with a crowbar just as Red Coat kills the power. Red Coat runs up the stairs of the warehouse! While Red Coat runs out into the street! Two Red Coats! Aria chases the one up the stairs and Spencer chases the one out into the road. (Hanna hauls Emily to safety and hugs her and pets her head and wipes away her tears.) OK, and so Aria’s Red Coat gets trapped on this overhead walkway and you know what Aria does? Kung Fu, y’all! Tang Soo Do! She jumps and punches and twirls and whatever martial arts stuff, and then she finally kicks Red Coat’s Ali mask off her face to find Cece Drake underneath it! (Unless this is one of the days when Ali is trading bodies with Cece Drake, in which case it’s an Ali mask over a Cece shell over an Ali soul.) Aria kicks her right off the ledge and then tries to save her but Cece (or Ali) plummets to her death on the warehouse floor!


Spencer can’t catch her Red Coat, so she returns to find the Liars comforting Aria about becoming a murderer — “The second one is easier,” Emily says — but then they realize Cece isn’t dead on the floor anymore! Cece is alive and running through the streets! She survived the fall! Or her body died but Ali’s soul lived on! Or Cece was never more than a host carcass for Ali’s spirit! WHO KNOWS! I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH! The Liars follow Cece over to A+’s lair and it’s the real fucking deal, dudes. Same old stalker pictures of Ali and stuff, but no burlap babyface zombie costumes, no dolls, no clown masks. No, siree. This place has CCTV of every place the Liars ever go: The Brew, RWPD, Rosewood High, their houses, the town square, Dr. Sullivan’s office, Radley, all those barns. It’s like the kind of nucleus command center setups you see in comic books. It’s perfect. It’s why A+ is everywhere (and nowhere!). Also, there is a timeline for every single one of the Liars, all the way back from the time Ali went missing until now. Also on that timeline is: Ali herself, just living and moving around and doing things and breathing and having a heartbeat and flying some planes. Hanna spots a journal that she recognizes and pockets, and then she calls Caleb to see if he can help them hack into A+’s computer. He cannot.

One very awesome thing the Liars find is accounting records because A+ has totally formed a corporation and is paying people to do her bidding. Cece Drake, for example, got two payments last week for running Red Coat interference. One other very awesome thing the Liars find is like this full Mr. Rogers closet of suits and cardigans and dude shoes, which makes them think this lair belongs to Boardshorts. On account of he is the only dude they know who messed with Ali that isn’t dead, so maybe he also is A+. The Boardshorts theory seems the most legit because they also discover all these photos of Ali being happy and flirty before she got murdered, which would have been in Cape May. One of the shirts in the photo is a shirt Hanna remembers Ali buying for a date with an older guy.


While the Liars are ransacking Boarshorts’ lair — and also finding a like World War I gas mask suit and invitation to a Ravenswood history party, which, by the way, Ali has apparently RSVPed to — Tippi the Bird’s eyeballs watch through some parrot-shaped eyeball holes in the wall.

At no point do the Liars stop to marvel over the fact that Ali is still alive and being stalked as much as she was when she was alive the first time. No, instead, they decide they’ve got to get to this Ravenswood history party and protect her from Boardshorts who will be there wearing a World War I gas mask suit. (This, after they rescued Emily from being sawed in half and watched Cece Drake rise from the dead using just a little bit of sexy willpower, OK? That’s what’s happening right now. That’s how fast they have trained themselves to downshift.) They rush into the night and collide on the sidewalk with The Grunwald, magical ice blue eyeballs as magically ice blue as ever.


Here: “You bitches really are as stupid as Allison said you were when she was calling me all the time in my murder room at the Shut Your Pi Hole sorority house to tap into the psychic powers I possess. She wanted to know which one of her old man boyfriends was going to murder her that summer, and I told her, and I was right, and so I drove to her house the night it happened and pulled her out of her grave and she was still breathing — holding her breath for a long time was a real specialty of that girl’s — and so I took her to the hospital but she disappeared along the way. And now here you are, leading him to her again.”

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