“Pretty Little Liars” recap 4.12: The Chamber of Secrets

 
 

Ashley watches Caleb pet Hanna and tells him he’s the best boyfriend in the world for sticking by them through their various thieveries and murders over the years, and also for being like the one decent guy in this whole entire town: “You never joined the A-team, you never were a pedophile, you steered clear of whatever daily Hastings bullshit, you didn’t kill anybody or get killed by anybody, you never ended up in an asylum for criminally insane teens, you actually attended school even though it is not a requirement here, and when you got a storyline about your parents, you let it play for a couple of episodes and then you fucking dropped it like a champ. You’re a real stand-up, fella, Caleb Rivers. I hope you never leave.”

But you know who is leaving? Ashley Marin! She’s leaving the jailhouse as a free woman! The DA has dropped the charges based on Travis’ story! When Roma Maffia gets back into town, she is going to hurl someone through a wall!

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At school, the power dynamic in Emily and Paige’s relationship has finally shifted back in Paige’s direction — thanks in no small part to that hoedown outfit, I guarantee you — and now Emily is begging her to be patient for just another minute while they move the final few A puzzle pieces into place and nail Cece for Wilden’s murder. Paige goes, “If I was going to leave you because your life is a daily deathtrap, I probably would have done it after your dead girlfriend’s fake cousin bound and gagged me and tried to cut out my heart with a pocket knife, so that’s not an issue. But while the pendulum of decision-making is swinging my way, you’re moving into my bedroom and I’m sleeping by the road-facing wall, which is a thing that should have happened the second you got homeless, if only Spencer hadn’t peer pressured you into becoming the kind of person who makes the most convoluted possible decision every single time you’re faced with a choice.”

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Emily agrees and goes to the Marins’ to welcome home Ashley and formulate the next step in Operation Nail Cece Drake. But as per the usual, A uses her gift of making them forget what’s important to deal with what is urgent. And what is urgent is that another package arrives and inside is a tiny child-sized coffin and in the coffin is Mona doll in a church mouse outfit and glasses like from that time when Ali laughed at her worship music moves. Aria laughs nervously, all, “Heh. I thought for a second it was going to be Malcolm, not that it matters since he’s not Ezra’s kid anymore, but still.” And Hanna whips out her phone and speed dials Radley, but the switchboard operator won’t connect her with Mona because Mona checked out yesterday. Hanna’s like, “Do you remember if she was wearing overalls and glasses and pigtails? Do you remember if anyone was waiting outside with a shrink ray gun?”

The A-note in the coffin basically says that the Liars are getting framed for murder one way or another this year and if one of them won’t take the fall for Wilden’s murder, A will just murder and murder and murder everyone until one of those charges sticks, starting with: Mona. Spencer has of course memorized Mona’s class and extracurricular activities schedule. Today is French Club. She sends Emily there to look for Mona. (Emily who finally realizes she should call Paige for backup for these assignments.) Spencer herself is going to work her Hastings lady wiles on Dr. Wren Kingston. Hanna and Caleb decide to stake out Mona’s house, even though Caleb is pretty sure Mona sent that doll herself. (Mona has a house, though? Does she also have parents? Siblings? Does Mona have a dog?) And I don’t even know about Aria. Probably she is going on a date with Jake. (Ha! Yes, that is exactly what she is doing!)

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So at Wren’s house, Spencer peeks in the windows and sees that all his shit is strewn everywhere and boxes and empty hangers and so obviously he is moving. Also Spencer sees Jenna’s Ravenswood hell ferry from the Night of a Thousand Nights.

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But she does not see Shana Costumeshop hiding out in there like the sexy creepster reaper she is.

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