“Pretty Little Liars” recap 4.10: You can ring my bell jar

Spencer rushes to the DiLaurentis’ place to tell Hanna and Emily that Dr. Palmer was either treating Ali or Ali’s mom at Radley at some point. She stumbles over how she knows that information, but Hanna and Emily don’t call her on it because the shrapnel from the clue bomb flies everywhichway. Hanna and Spencer want to confront Jessica about it right away, but Emily is all, “Today? On the day when she’s knitting a scarf for the husband who is divorcing her because she lives inside a shrine to their dead daughter? You guys are so mean! I’m going to WORK!”

They do not heed her call for compassion. Instead, they buttonhole Ms. D in her own living room about her relationship with Dr. Palmer, which yields the greatest Ali flashback of all time.

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So, Alison was in this living room playing the piano when Jessica crashed through the front door and tried to decapitate her fingers by smashing the piano cover down on her hands! Ali started to hold her breath. You know, that old trick. And Jessica tore into her like a lion into a zebra, just: “YOU TWO ARE FUCKING CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT? I GET A CALL AT WORK THAT YOU’RE BEING HELD AT RADLEY BECAUSE YOU’RE SUICIDAL SO I RUSH MY ASS RIGHT UP THERE, RUN OVER TWO OR THREE SCHOOL CHILDREN ON THE WAY, AND WHEN I GET THERE, YOU KNOW WHO’S HAVING A LAUGH DRESSED IN YOUR CLOTHES?” Courtney, right? It’s Courtney? They’re finally giving us Courtney? No, assholes. Even better. IT WAS CECE DRAKE.

Back in the present day, Hanna’s like, “So, Cece and Ali liked to borrow each other’s outfits?” And Jessica goes, “More like they liked to borrow each other’s souls.” Jessica told them Ali that she and Cece weren’t allowed to see each other any more because they were getting very close to reaching some kind of transformational wonder twins body morph, like they were trying to create a Super Ali, and enough was enough.

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Hell yes. HELL YES. Mrs. DiLaurentis totally killed Ali thinking it was CeCe!

Hanna and Spencer and Caleb debrief Ms. D’s amazing flashback and decide that the reason Ali had one thousand masks of her face made up is so Cece could stash on in every nook of Rosewood and pretend to be her any old time. They don’t really cook up any awesome theories about why because Veronica comes home and confesses she’s going to have to abandon Ashley’s case because somebody reported her for obstruction of justice because somebody dimed her out for visiting Mona in Radley. Hanna acts like her mom being lawyer-less is the worst thing she’s ever heard of, even though we have already established that being wine-less is Ashley Marin’s true hell.

Hey, guess who called in Veronica’s visit? Mmm hmm. “Dr.” Wren Kingston. He brags about it on the phone while coloring in that picture of the happy farm family he showed Mona earlier. The jacket on the girl in the picture, he makes it blood red.

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Ms. D and Emily are enjoying some more tea and talk of Ali’s ghost when the electrician pops upstairs to let them know the furnace is fixed and also that a large blonde-haired raccoon wearing a red coat has been burrowing under the porch, eating Kit-Kats and making nuclear bombs. Emily and Ms. D rush down to the basement to see it, both of them thinking it’s probably just Mike Montgomery’s little hideaway, but instead it is a real hobo hole. Ms. D surveys and and then goes, “Eh, whatever.” She walks upstairs to make dinner. Emily turns out the lights, and that’s when she sees like ten quarter-sized holes drilled into the floor of the kitchen, a place for that raccoon to just peep the night away, right up everybody’s skirts.

The Risen Mitten sifts through the rubble of Emily’s living room. She plants Ashley’s swamp shoes in the debris and then calls in an order of delicious vegetarian pizza for Aria. And sure, throw in some cheese sticks too, while you’re at it.

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