“Pretty Little Liars” recap 4.09: Lesbian Bed Death

 
 

Spencer and Aria split up: Spencer to just straight up ask Jenna why the hell she’s blind again and who killed Alison DiLaurentis and where is the very clearly still-alive person of Alison DiLaurentis? And Aria to mess with Jake’s head. She’s jealous that he’s there with some blonde swimmer that’s not her and she bets he even took her to see Insidious 2 and did he tell her it was Aria’s couch where he slept last night? Jake says her jealousy indicates true love, and she’s like, “Sure, whatever, let’s just see that bare chest again, mister.” After Spencer questions Jenna, who basically tells her to go fuck herself, she and Shana get separated by the six thousand party-goers all clamoring for coconut cupcakes — and she end up face down in Torch Lake, just staring into the abyss at the shrapnel of a thousand Melissa masks.

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Was she pushed? Did you fall? Who’s to say?

Emily is the one who discovers her and just like the night Lucas tipped overboard out of Hanna’s canoe, that world champion swimmer just stands at the edge of the water and hollers for help. Eventually she does hop in and rescue Jenna, but only because she kind of thinks it’s Spencer. If she knew for sure it was Jenna, she would have been like, “It’s my party, and what I say goes! Everyone back inside!” As the ambulance wheels Jenna away to the hospital, where hopefully Dr. Wren can get her a new set of eyes, Shana rounds on the Liars and glares at them like sex. Er, no. Evil. Glares at them like Evil. (I didn’t realize Shana was so tall until this episode. Like really, really tall. Reaaaally tall.)

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Paige and Jake come wandering out of the woods, whistling all innocently and ringing the water out of their clothes. Paige is like, “Hey, you saved another person’s life, Emsy! That’s three this season!” And Emily rolls her eyes, all, “This is why we don’t throw parties, Paige. Thanks for the worst day ever.”

Paige kicks everyone out and washes up and locks the door and turns off the light and then finally, finally retires to the bedroom to engage in some of that solo time she promised Emily. Only Emily totally fakes being asleep, snoring, twitching, the whole thing. Paige sighs and bites her fist and turns out the lights.

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Over at the Marin’s, Pastor Ted brings Ashley a pie because he watched Orange Is the New Black while she was in prison so he knows it means true love. He also casually lets it slip that he posted bail for her, so it’d be cool if she didn’t abscond to Uncle Jaime’s Bean Farm with Hanna and Caleb.

And finally, at the hospital, Shana tells Spencer once and for all that the Liars need to back the hell up off of Jenna. But Spencer just can’t let it go. She’s all, “Who do you think drowned Jenna, though? Alison? Do you think Alison drowned her because Jenna knows who killed Alison?” Shana shakes her head and explains that the only person Jenna was ever really afraid of was CeCe Drake.

Spencer shakes her fist at the sky and cries “AMERRRRICAAAANO!”

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Mona checks herself into her old room at Radley. Red coat checks in on Mike under the DiLaurentis’ porch. And The Risen Mitten sends Toby some piano sheet music that is presumably a song his mother used to sing to him before she jumped/was thrown from her Radley window.

Guys, guys, guys, I’m sorry this recap was so late. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie (@margaretrosey), thank you for being the greatest screencapping partner in all the lands.

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