So, I guess what’s going on here is four teams working against each other. There’s the real, true A-team, which includes only Mona and Red Coat. Their plans are still a little murky. We don’t know to what end they’re working. And then there’s double-agent A-team, which is Spencer and Toby trying to work from the inside to keep the Liars safe from the real A-team. And then there are the Liars who are just trying to stay alive. And then there is Shana, Melissa, and Jenna, all of whom want to kill the Liars to cover their own asses, and also because they just hate their guts for various personal reasons. (Together, they blinded Jenna; Spencer stole everyone of Melissa’s fiances. And Emily stole Paige from Shana. My best gues is that Shana and Jenna met after Paige broke up with Shana to be with Emily, and so it was sociopathic serendipity that allowed them to make each other’s acquaintance and seek revenge while getting the bonus lesbian sex stuff.)
The Liars are each pulled from the fire by Red Coat, who deposits them all into a neat little comatosed row, the light from the fire of the A-frame lodge behind her burning a giant “A” into the night. Mona comes running up, shrieking about, “Shit, y’all. Fucking Alison DiLaurentis just pulled our asses out of there.” Spencer also zooms over, corroborating what Mona saw. Hanna, too, looked upon Ali’s face as she regained consciousness, and the weirdest part of all is that Ali looked worried.
The Liars pile into Emily’s car, leaving Toby behind, I guess, and Mona comes clean: Red Coat came to her at Radley, offering her a partner in crime and also freedom from the asylum. Mona thought having a playmate would be fun, but then Red Coat stole the Liars away. Emily is like, “So, are you the one that kidnapped me and roofied me and made me dig up Ali’s grave?” And Mona goes, “I mean, kind of, but also Ali was the one who dug up Ali’s grave. But, actually, now that I think about it, it was Ali wearing an Ali mask on top of another Ali mask that dug up Ali’s grave.”
When the Liars and Mona arrive downtown, they see Wilden’s cop car sitting in the middle of the town square, beat all to hell and covered in fish pond gunk, but totally still playing that video on a loop of Ashley smashing into Wilden with her car. But wait! There’s more! The part Hanna didn’t see before is that two people show up to carry Wilden to safety, and those two people are THE SHENNABOT THING! YES!
Mona senses something spooky in the trunk. The Liars crowd around and are just about to crowbar that sucker open when A texts them. All of them. Including Mona. “You’re mine now,” is what the text says, in red letters, and it’s Mona who closes out the out-loud reading. She goes, “A.” And the Liars just gawk at her. They’re getting threatened by A while standing by A who is also getting threatened by A. They open up the trunk because it’s not like things can get any worse.
Whoops! Yes, they can!
Original Risen Mitten Flashback:
Alison’s zombie hand breaks through the ground in her backyard, just like it did in the Halloween episode — only this time another hand reaches down and starts pulling her out of her grave.
Truly, I have not enjoyed an hour of television more since I became a grown-up. High fives forever, Marlene King. You are a goddess among women.
This season would have been so much less fun if I hadn’t had the help of my hilarious screencapping partner Maggie. I owe her so many beers and so many hugs. Follow her on Twitter and show her some love, will ya? She’s @MargaretRosey.