“Pretty Little Liars” recap 3.24: A Psycho By Any Other Name

Well, but anyway, the Person says that she’ll stand by Jenna’s side even on her darkest days, and the Person’s voice is very familiar, because the Person’s voice belongs to Shana Costumeshop! Oh, but that’s not all. Jenna and Shana aren’t best friends. Jenna and Shana are scissoring friends. Lesbifriends. Homosexual girlfriends. The ShennaBot Thing, is what they are. They caress one another’s hands and make dastardly faces of conniving schemes and lady lust at one another. Bitch is a lesbian!

(Also, for all the ways Ali tried to convince Emily she was just “practicing” things with her, she: blinded Jenna after Emily eye-fucked her at that Halloween party; tortured Paige into exile with Pigskin tactics when she found out she was in love with Emily; and also the A shenanigans really kicked into high gear when Emily “found another friend to kiss” in Maya St. Germain. So, you know, kinda psychotically proprietary behavior for a heterosexual buddy.)

Aria and Ezra meet downtown to break up again. I guess I would feel sad about it if they hadn’t already broken up and gotten back together six hundred million times. Like, it drives me nutsobonkers when shippers go “ENDGAME!!!” like it’s science or math something, but Ezra and Aria are clearly the endgame-est couple in the history of television, so I mean, Lucy and Ian, I hate to see you cry, but I want Aria to earn her Scooby badge and she can’t do it if she’s rushing Malcolm off to the emergency room every ten minutes. So, chins up and eyes forward and tally ho and Aria, what in God’s name are those leggings you are wearing? Did you steal those from the carnival people?

The diner where Dr. Sullivan went to get her payoff after the Tory Burch Booth Incident. That waitress named Marlene is still here, smiling as sweetly as ever, telling a Spencer lookalike to take a seat any old place she wants. The Spencer lookalike is just one in a rapid-fire succession of fake-outs, though. It’s not Spencer. But then someone else comes in — “Pretty Eyes,” also from the Tory Burch Incident — and isn’t Spencer, either. It’s the living, breathing, un-crushed person of Toby Cavenaugh! He and his hair are alive-er than ever! Toby sits down across from A and says that Hanna got the babysitting job and A says she knows because she’s the one that planted that idea in her head in the first place because she is Spencer Hastings!


Awesome, awesome, awesome.

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