“Pretty Little Liars” recap 3.22: Hastings, Interrupted

At Radley, Eddie Lamb dresses Spencer’s wounds some more and she casually asks him if anyone has ever lost a name badge, and if the name badges also serve as some sort of microchip security clearance, and, hypothetically, if a person were to steal a nurse’s name badge, would they then have access to even the highest risk inmates down on the doll parts floor so that they could carry out the nefarious biddings of said inmates out in the world. Eddie Lamb goes, “You’re asking the kind of questions that could get me fired and also that make me love you — in a platonic, friendly, non-pedophile-like way, for once in your life — but I can’t really answer you at this time in the episode.” He offers her more pudding as a condolence, but I for one am just consoled by the fact that the sleuthing spark was back in Spencer’s eye for even a second.

Spencer tells Eddie Lamb that she knew a guy named Toby that had a badge for Radley and probably he came here to talk to Mona Vanderwaal. Eddie Lamb looks like when you’ve seen the face of God, or been psychologically terrorized by the devil, or both. He says he can’t really talk about it, but that Mona Vanderwaal actually stayed in this very room.

There’s a carving in the desk to prove her presence. It says, “Will the circle be unbroken?”

Flashback: Rosewood Presbyterian Church (because Mona and Ali would believe in predestination). The congregation sings “Will the Circle be Unbroken?” Among them: Past Mona, with her adorable nerd glasses and nerd cardigans as the Spirit moves her to make a joyful noise and adorable hand motions unto the Lord. Past Spencer, singing huskily and making lesbians everywhere think very ungodly thoughts. And Ali, clowning on the way Mona is worshiping her Lord and Savior. If it turns out Ali really is alive, it will be even more impressive than I originally thought since she apparently escaped from a new circle of hell that Satan created just for her.

Outside, Ali keeps it up with the horribleness. Like, not since shaming Khaki Paige about her sexuality have we seen her act so gross. She mocks Mona and calls her a loser and then tells Spencer she’s been keeping diaries just for her, because she’ll be going away soon and she wants Spencer to take over for her, but before all that, how about a freshly baked muffin?

Has this whole entire A thing, from the very very beginning, been about Ali recruiting Spencer? Well, sod off, A-team, SPENCER BELONGS TO US! Er, no. To the Liars. Spencer belongs to the Liars. SOD OFF ANYWAY, YOU WANKERS.

Ezra’s Cake and Cuddle Emporium. Byron has stopped by for some tea and and a chat about fatherhood. Ezra’s like, “Just so you know, I did not, in any way, indicate to Aria that I need your help finding a job.” And Byron goes, “Obviously. I’m just trying to make amends to God for being the worst. I mean, if Alison DiLaurentis can do it …” Byron says all the teaching jobs at Hollis are taken, but he has some other ideas.

Back at Radley, Spencer is playing her and Ali’s jam on the piano when Eddie Lamb drops by to ask about her friend who stole the badge that gave him access to Mona Mania. She says his name was Toby. Eddie Lamb says Toby is the rarest name in all the land, and in fact he’s only ever known one Toby: The Toby child who used to come visit his mother in this criminal asylum. OK: a) That is a huge reveal. How did we not know that? I think Annabeth Gish is Toby’s mom more than ever now. And b) My first word was “Toby.” I don’t know if I ever told y’all that. It was the name of my grandparents’ shih tzu. I’ve also known two other dogs named Toby. Three Tobys total. All dogs, though. No abs, no chins, no rocking chairs. Maybe it’s only rare as a human name?

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