“Pretty Little Liars” recap 3.19: Whiskey Lullaby


Let’s see, that’s: Spencer’s psychotic break propelling her toward attempted murder, Hanna’s Hufflepuff heart calling down favors from even God himself to reconcile Caleb and his father, and Emily’s hardcore Spencering has brought her face-to-face with the idea that their archenemy on the police force is tag-teaming with their frenemy from one of Ali’s secret past lives. I wonder what high-stakes game Aria Montgomery is playing.

Holy shit! While photographing Buddha statues, she spilled something on a rug! Also, CeCe abandoned Aria and Wes to go get some dinner, but not really to get some dinner, and then she called to say her car was towed, but her car wasn’t really towed, and so basically she is just sitting in a parking lot in her car because of some kind of sinister cupid scheme. I think. Either that, or she she did this next thing:

With the latest Clue tucked safely away in Jason’s pocket, he and Emily hop on an elevator to head back to the ground floor to head back to Rosewood. I think it’s the first time we’ve ever seen a Liar in an elevator. No, wait. Ha! Who was it that saw Jenna putting on lipstick one time in the hospital elevator? Aria? OK, so anyway, the elevator gets stuck between floors, of course, and no one is around to answer the emergency button and neither Jason nor Emily’s cell phones are working. Real life: You hyperventilate and wait for help. Rosewood life: You pry open the doors and make a jump for it. Jason holds them open for Emily and she shimmies to safety. Emily holds them open for Jason and the elevator cables break and Jason plunges to the ground.

I hope one day, before it’s all said and done, we get an entire episode devoted to the other side of the mirror of this story. CeCe scaling the inside of an elevator shaft and cutting the cables, all the peeping going on from all the places, Mona time-jumping, Toby doing — I’m still not clear on what Toby is doing/has done, exactly, except for attacking Hanna with the mannequins. But whatever. I hope we one day get to see it all, Mission Impossible-style, from the A-team side.

Oh, one other thing: Jason flashes back to the night of Ali’s death when everyone was tromping in and out of the Dilaurentis’ yard, and guess who was there, dressed exactly like Ali? CeCe, probably.

At church, Caleb tells Hanna, quite rightly, that she is the best girlfriend ever. Because upstairs Pastor Ted is hiring Uncle Jamie to do the Lord’s Work. Hanna even drops five dollars into the offering box as thanks. (Uncle Jamie promptly steals it, though.) At Montgomery Manor, Aria makes up a bed for Wes and also offers him a library card to her pants. And in Wren’s car, Spencer is feeling pretty darn good about how close she got to choking the literal life out of Mona. Next time. Emily SOS texts all of them with exactly zero information as to the nature and whereabouts of her emergency, but of course they all rush to the hospital because it’s a likely starting spot always.


Jason is hot as hell in his hospital bed even with all the casts and neck braces and whatever. He tells Emily that the Liars were right about the NAT Club, that someone is out to get all of them. She shuts the privacy curtain to give him a minute to ruminate on his imminent demise. The Liars show up. Emily explains things. And then the most amazing nurse in all of TV Land walks up and goes, “Where’s your super hot friend? With all the broken bones? The one who fell 20 stories and lived?” And then the nurse just, like, walks off. It’s amazing. She doesn’t call security or alert any doctors or anything. She just be-bops on down the hallway for her coffee break or whatever. The Liars rush to Jason’s bedside, whip back the curtain and ABRACADABRA!, that guy has disappeared.

Two Risen Mitttens play spin the bottle with whiskey-simulacrums of the Liars. But they cheat to make it land on Spencer. Because now that they know she’s capable of actually killing a person, the fun has only just begun.

Thank you, thank you to my screencapping partner Maggie (@margaretrosey) who always knows just what we need.

Remember to hit her up on Twitter if you want to play PLL Bingo or do a Google Hangout on Tuesday nights.

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