“Pretty Little Liars” recap 3.16: Girl-on-Girl Talk


Confederation of Concerned Lezzers & Lesbros. Paige says she has decided that she’s not scared for her own life — after all, what horrible tragedy has ever befallen one of Emily’s girlfriends? — but that she’s scared, instead, for Emily. That’s how come she keeps freaking out so bad. She and Caleb size-up one another to determine whether or not they’re compatible allies.

Paige: I was kidnapped for Emily. Bound, gagged, held at knifepoint.
Caleb: I was shot for Hanna.
Paige: Wellll. I mean. You kinda shot yourself, so.
Caleb: Didn’t you one time drown Emily?
Paige: Didn’t Hanna one time drown Lucas? It happens, Caleb. And I rode my bike seven miles in the rain in the middle of the night to apologize. Listen, me and you, we’re the same. We love our girlfriends. We’ve both had weird hair.
Caleb: We both have these magical scars on our foreheads that make us even more gorgeous.
Paige: We both look good in suits.

Caleb: I’m an orphan.
Paige: I am too now, apparently.
Caleb: And we both hate Mona and want to spend less time watching our girlfriends die and more time making out with them.
Paige: Exactly. So, how do we do that? I’m thinking we find her lair and steal all her stalker shit, and rather than that putting us on her radar for immediate annihilation, it’ll probably just make her stop being a psycho.
Caleb: You’re pretty, you know?
Paige: So are you, girl. So are you.

Oh, Lord. You two will be dead by morning.

Since Aria is still dying on her couch, Hanna and Spencer and Emily meetup to talk about the attack and the A-key. Emily confirms that Mona was actually at school while Hanna was in Philly, so it must have been one of A’s minions that did necromancy on those mannequins. Spencer suggests that they hold onto that A-key until they can discuss it with Aria because Aria is always so intimately involved in these meetings and near-death experiences. Besides, when has keeping evidence for an extra day come back to bite them in the ass?

Nothing helps Hanna recover from threats of having her face sliced off like giving fashion advice, so she tells Spencer to celebrate her anniversary in nothing but five-inch heels. Emily actually blushes and her face goes, “Hanna! Are you for real right now?!” And Hanna’s face goes, “What? It’s just something I heard from a hobo one time.” (Gosh, I wonder what it would be like to see Shay Mitchell crushing it in some five-inch heels).

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