“Pretty Little Liars” recap 3.15: A Walk in the Woods

 
 

At Aria’s, Byron is all frowns and apologies about abusing Meredith and maybe or maybe not stealing Aria’s shit, but definitely not about spoiling that movie, which is, of course, his most heinous offense to date. Aria retires to her room, where she is eventually joined by her teacher who was once her father’s grad student who slept with him and broke up her parents’ marriage. Together they begin plotting Byron’s demise, which … I don’t know, I kind of feel like I should be enjoying it more, but Meredith has a Cousin Nate vibe to her that I just can’t shake.

Oh, also, Aria mentioned twice that she’s lethargic and nauseous, so cross your fingers for another lesbian baby to be born and/or for Diane Fitzgerald to return to this show and go one of her legendary murder sprees.

Mona is throwing a congratulatory party for herself with fancy cupcakes. Hanna drops by to pick up Spencer, who can’t drive because she is drunk on her own misery. She takes in Spencer’s anguish and thinks about Lucas’ despondency, and she marches over to Mona and does the noblest, yet worst possible thing she could ever do: She calls out Lucas and Spencer by name as reasons why she doesn’t want to be friends with Mona anymore, and she retroactively takes back her friendship from the time when she was visiting Mona in Radley. The last time this happened, the last time Mona thought the Liars were taking Hanna away from her, she opened the Hellmouth. So, high five for loyalty, Hanna, but also: way to make Lucas won’t wake up tomorrow.

Paige and Emily are having a sleepover because Emily wants to make up for almost getting them bludgeoned to death in the dark again. I always wondered how gay teenagers do it when they want to sleepover at each other’s houses. I was too busy actively Not Being Gay in high school to know, but I guess this is how you get your parents on board with it. You tell them one of you will sleep on the bed/floor. Well, so Paige gets the air mattress. As Emily tucks her sweetly into bed, Paige is like, “Just so you know, my panic about dying didn’t make me feel any less impressed with your courage. I’ve always been amazed at how you never get afraid.” Emily grins, says, “I get afraid a lot. But there’s power in doing the things that scare us.” They kiss and are adorable and equality looks just like this:

The Risen Mitten buries some Halloween masks under some leaves, and Mona stalks Byron out of his office, hopefully to deal with him the way Aria dealt with Jackie Molina.

My biggest, brightest thanks to my screencapping partner Maggie (@MargaretRosey), without whom these recaps would take ten days to finish.

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