“Pretty Little Liars” recap 3.15: A Walk in the Woods

Back out in the woods, Paige and Emily were able to track down some of that fresh air, and now they’re making their way back to Paige’s car, which, in Emily’s expert opinion “looks funny.” That’s because the back tire has been slashed. Paige wills herself to keep breathing, even though this air isn’t really that fresh over here, and get the tire changed so they can get out of there. And, y’all know I love this girl more than most of the actual real people in my life, but how in the world is she gonna start ripping off those lug nuts without jacking up the car? Minus ten lesbian points, McCullers. So, Paige is trying to take deep breaths and fix the car, but what she needs to be able to see what she’s doing, so she asks Ems to do her a solid and grab a flashlight. Emily is on high alert, though. The remnants of GLASS IN HER HAIR still tingle when danger is afoot, and so she knows something is up. A twig snaps and Paige practically throws Emily over her shoulder so she can grab her bike from her trunk and pedal them the hell back to town, but before she can secure her grip, Emily darts into the woods after A. Paige’s mouth goes, “Emily?!” And Paige’s posture goes, “Motherfucker.” And Paige’s legs go darting into the undergrowth after her girlfriend.


They stop just short of the tree where Toby is hiding and Paige legit drags Emily back to safety.

OK, so over at Rosewood High’s Academic Decathlon Cage Match, Spencer is dreased for an Easter Equestrian. She and Mona both look fierce. I didn’t know who directed this episode until this scene, but as soon as it started happening, I was like, “Oh, duh. Norman Buckley.” Like these magical transitions right here:

But also, the writing is so tight and so funny and tense. I think Bryan Holdman wrote this episode. Hang on, let me look. Yeah, OK. Bryan Holdman, who also wrote “That Girl is Poison,” I think, which had some of my favorite dialogue ever, including Paige telling Jenna her cupcakes tasted like old pennies. And: “Every time you baby-squirrel Ezra, you’re taking away his nuts.” And I also think he wrote that scene where the Liars get worms in their Chinese food. Oh, and Satan’s fashion show. Anyway, so yes, the academic decathlon is everything you ever needed and some stuff you never even dreamed you wanted, including seeing Troian Bellisario have impossible sexual chemistry with yet another person on this show.

Spencer starts out crushing it before choking in the final round on the final question, the one about the countries that were created after the dissolution of the Soviet Union, and when it’s Mona’s turn to counter, she goes, “By population or gross domestic product?”

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