It’s academic decathlon time and this year Spencer will be running unopposed for the presidency of Rosewood’s team thanks to A sabotaging Spencer’s opponent’s bike last week. (Good to know, but also, I kind of liked the idea that A was dicking around with regular people just for giggles.) We have never met the decathletes before and one of them is named Andrew and I can tell you right now that he will be making monkey with one of these Liars before the end of the season. OK, so Spencer is like, “I am honored to be chosen to lead you in the pursuit of oratorical excellence this year,” but not so fast, because the empty chair at the table is suddenly filled with the glowing presence of Miss Mona Vanderwaal, who nominates Mona Vanderwaal for the position of Mona Vanderwaal: Master Debater. Half the decathletes vote for Spencer and half for Mona and so a it is decided that a trivia cage match will be held on this very eve. Spencer’s face is so good. She looks at Mona and goes, “GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!”
But even Spencer’s white-hot wonderfulness cannot compete with this perfect line of dialogue uttered by Andrew: “Put on your Hastings face and spank her.” It’s truly the greatest pep talk that has ever been given. I am going to embroider it onto my pillow and tattoo it onto my heart.
“Quit while you’re ahead, bitch,” is the text Spencer gets when she’s leaving the meeting. She thinks it’s Mona, but Mona is busy at the snack machine, and Mona has never been more than one place at one time, pulling more than one stunt at one time, so obviously it is not her.
Out in the courtyard, Spencer corrals the Liars and tells them the tale of Mona’s most ultimate insubordination. Hanna is all, “Honestly, Spence, it’s like being president of the International Confederation of Master Alphabetizers. Who cares?” And Spencer goes, “Uh, I am president of theInternational Confederation of Master Alphabetizers.” Mona meekly mouses her way over to the Liars’ table to thank Spencer for not killing her dead on the spot at the meeting, but Spencer is like, “Don’t count your chickens …” The Liars, even precious Emily, glare at her until she’s crying, and, honestly, at this point, even I don’t remember who I’m supposed to be rooting for.
Montgomery’s Home for Aspiring Fashionistas and Pre-Teen Cleptomaniacs. Aria tells Emily and Hanna that Byron probably murdered Alison. And worse, he probably drugged Ella. What will prove it (this time, apparently) are the pages of Ali’s diary that they stole, so Aria rummages around in her closet and emerges with the boot where she hid the evidence. Only, there’s no evidence. Not in that boot. Not in those boots. Not in these boots. Not in any boots. Byron smarms in the doorway and teases Aria about how she’s been hiding shit in her boots since she was a kid and it’s just the cutest little adorable thing. Aria pushes him out, shuts the door, and literally goes, “He knows.”