“Pretty Little Liars” recap (3.08) — Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized

 
 

At home, Aria wonders out loud if she ruined Ezra’s like, and Byron is like, “Clearly I am no fan of your happiness, but even a shitbird like me knows the world is a better place because you’re a part of it.”

At Radley, Hanna gets the news that the advisers are going to let Mona stay. She is so overjoyed, she kisses the nearest British person directly on the mouth, like you do.

And at Spencer’s, the Liars minus Emily watch waaaay too many videos from Maya’s website. It’s like the damn NAT club up in there. There’s a video of Emily eating ice cream that gets Aria all hot and bothered. A video of Maya in a blanket fort talking about how kissing Emily makes her feel like there are clocks all over the world running backwards. (I told you she was a Time Lord, you guys. I told you in those comics I made!) A chilling video of Maya saying she’s going to face her fears and stop being a coward, and then some flashing red lights like a police car.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( x infinity

Aria, correctly, goes, “Call. her. We can’t watch this without her.”

But Emily’s phone is in the pocket of Nate’s jacket and she is swimming (naked?) (naked!) laps with Paige McCullers.

Maybe this scene is a blatant metaphor for sex, or maybe it’s a subtle metaphor for baptism. Breathing in, breathing out. Deep, unspeakable wounds of suffering healed by the promise of new life. Shakespeare knew what he was talking about when he said, “Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized.” Or maybe this scene is a metaphor for both of those things. Nothing makes you feel whole-er or new-er than some good old fashioned doin’ it.

The Risen Mitten withdraws a hundred billion dollars in cash from the bank, and helps herself to a peppermint on the way out the door.

An enormous thank you to my screencapping partner Maggie, who sent over this weeks pics with a note that said: “It took great restraint on my part not to screencap what I have dubbed ‘the hottest thing to happen in a or near a pool during an Olympic summer ever’ second by second.” You should follow her on Twitter and show her so much love.

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