“Pretty Little Liars” recap (3.08) — Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized


But his pain has been eased marginally by the fact that he no longer has to get a ride from loony Lucas every time he wants to leave the state. After being run off the road by “A” a couple of weeks ago, Caleb’s mom decided she didn’t really need her car so much anymore, so she gave it to her long lost son. At school the next day, Spencer ambushes Caleb: “Firstly, as someone who comes from money, please allow me to say: Niiiice. Secondly, it’s boyfriend musical chairs and you’re up.” Up for what, Caleb wants to know. “Up for telling me how to break into a hypothetical website created by the hypothetical dead girlfriend of my hypothetical best friend who needs hypothetical answers about why people keep killing her hypothetical lady loves.” Caleb nods. It sounds plausible. They agree to meet after school.

Inside the school, Emily looks stunning. Like, when this scene came on, my very straight best friend who’s interest in this show can best be summed up as “Ian Harding” grabbed the remote, paused the DVR and said, “Goddamn.” Aria has finally admitted that she does not know how to dress herself without committing mass murder to woodland creatures, and somehow she doesn’t think that’s going to sit well with the matriarch of the Ezbian Fitzgerald family. They agree she should probably talk to Spencer because out of the four of them, she’s the only one who knows the difference between a shrimp fork and a salad fork, and also understands the rules of cricket.

After school, Spencer tries to give Caleb an out from helping with Maya’s website page, but he wants to “crush the Mona monster,” so he’s in. While he continues to blaspheme the name the One True God, Spencer gets a text from “A” talking about: Mona’s almost gone, Hanna’s next.

Rosewood High court yard. The Liars do their mid-episode debrief:

Spencer: We’ve got to crack Maya’s website page. We crack the lock on Maya’s website page, and then we crack the lock on Garrett’s whole dirty history.
Hanna: While we’re doing that, can we make sure my blood is still safe from Detec—
Aria: Speaking of moms, Ezra’s is a bitch.
Emily: I gotta go. I think I just saw Paige sprint by like a flash of insanity.

At Spencer’s, Aria is explaining the kind of thing she’d like to wear to the gala this evening: “Something that says Fitzgerald, but not one of your Great Gatsby costumes. Something classy. But, like, Kate Middleton classy, not Spencer Hastings classy. Nothing frumpy. No weird Victorian lace turtlenecks. I don’t want to look like the wife of a Puritan minister.” Spencer would like to be offended, but there’s no time for that because she spots her mom’s unmanned briefcase and gets to photocopying every single piece of paper inside that thing. One of the things they find is a list of witnesses, and beside the name “Bart Comstock,” Victoria has written “Crack!” Aria marvels at the wonder of genetics and agrees to take up the Hastings family motto and crack Bart Comstock by herself.

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