“Pretty Little Liars” recap (3.07) — Codename: Crazy


Back at Radley, Mona is super stoked to see Hanna again, but her joy is short lived when Aria joins her for an interrogation. She’s like, “OK, sure, I’ll be happy to tell you all about that Ouija trinket so long as you don’t mind me telling Aria about that horrible thing you did that one time that Ali’s dad has never forgive you for.” Hanna decides to spill the secret herself, and she and Aria fall into a flashback like Harry Potter falling into Dumbledore’s Pensieve. Like him, they land with a thunk.

It’s a couple of years ago, and Mona and Hana are strolling down the sidewalk hand in hand. Mona wants to think of new ways to call people whores without them knowing, so she works out a code where she says a phrase and all Hanna has to do is shake out the first letter of each word. “She Lives Under Trees. SLUT. Got it?” But Hanna is distracted by Mr. DiLaurentis galloping toward her on a war horse without a jousting stick in his hand. “You did a horrible thing,” he shouts, “and I will never forgive you for it!” The horrible thing, obviously, was that when Hanna saw Allison on her back porch during the witchcraft storm, she called and told Mrs. DiLaurentis. Three days later, Ali’s body showed up.

When Hanna and Aria hop out of the Pensieve, Mona has escaped.

They find her down in an old-fashioned children’s ward with porcelain-faced dolls and electrocution racks and stuff. She’s just brushing the dolls’ hair and smiling wanly. Hanna starts grabbing shit and throwing it around, but Mona keeps her composure, repeating three phrases over and over: “Miss Aria, You’re a Killer, Not Ezra’s Wife.” And: “Where were we? Maya’s Away, Sleeping Sweet. Until Garrett’s All Rosy, Count On Me.” And: “No One To Save Ali From Evil.” This writing and acting and directing and costume design and set design and sound design and editing and all the things is just fantastic. I mean, it’s a full day later and I’ve still got chills running up and down my spine just thinking about it.

The nurses come and drag her away and if you have keen gay-vision, you might have noticed that one of them was Julie Goldman.

After their creepy-ass day of dolls and bewitched board games, Aria and Hanna hunker down in a cuddle pile and try to think about anything besides getting murdered. Luckily, they’re distracted by a call from Ella, who tells them she’s on her second date of the night, this time with the purveyor of Rosewood’s second culinary establishment, Rear Window Brew, and he’s got pastries. Aria wants to know what happened to the first guy, and Ella says, “Your father is so vile that I can’t even stand to be in the presence of a person who eats ice cream like him.”

When they finally get spooned-up and comfortable, Hanna remembers how Mona taught her a code one time.

“A code?!??” Spencer says, when they convene their midnight meeting. They realize that Mona was trying to tell them that Maya Knew, first of all. Second of all, she’s set up a website at www.massugar.com that presumably gives up the identity of Maya’s killer. And thirdly: Not Safe.

The Risen Mitten scales the wall of Radley and slithers down to the children’s ward. S/he rips the head off a doll to reveal a recorder. When she presses play, it’s just Mona’s voice: “Miss Aria, You’re A Killer, Not Ezra’s Wife.” Miss Aria, You’re a Killer, Not Ezra’s Wife.” And: “Where were we? Maya’s Away, Sleeping Sweet. Until Garrett’s All Rosy, Count On Me.” “No One To Save Ali From Evil.”

Is that the scariest shit you have ever heard in your life, or what? Who the hell is after these girls that even Mona Vanderwaal can’t stop them? Honestly, even *I* don’t feel safe at this point.

Next week: Paige is back, and she’ll be in every episode until the end of the season!

A humongous thank you to my new screencapping partner, Maggie. She’s responsible for these gorgeous HD screencaps and, frankly, for saving me an hour and a half every Wednesday. Follow her on Twitter and give her some love: @margaretrosey. And also a humongous thank you for allowing me a week to recover from my medical drama. I really do believe we have the finest community of Pretty Little Liars fans on this wide internet, and I’m honored every week to be a part of it.

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