“Pretty Little Liars” recap (3.07) — Codename: Crazy

 
 

Nate interrupts their girl-talk to point out a pair of earrings Maya used to own. Indeed, they were a gift from Emily which she bestowed upon her beloved one week before her death, which means Nate saw her verrrrry near the time she died because his story about seeing the earrings in a photo smacks of stupidity. He tries to cover up his murder confession by hitting on Emily. “Too bad you don’t like wangs, or I could be taking you out tonight instead of Jenna.” Emily throws up on his shoes.

Ella shows up early for her date at Rear Window and gets her flirt on with the barista who suddenly looks shockingly like Leo from Charmed. Just when things are starting to get good, Ella’s date shows up, and her date is Pastor Ted, and now he’s a full suspect too, because why is he trying to date every Liar mom in town? At best, Ella and Ashley are both nine levels out of his league. At worst, he is also a murderer of Alison DiLaurentis. He takes her to the park and tries to charm her with talk of his worldwide travel exploits, same as he did with Ashley. By the end of it, Ella wants a bottle of wine more than even Ashley did, which, as you know, is saying something.

Radley Sanitorium. Before the nurse will allow Aria in to see Mona, she makes her strip down out of all her animal fang accessories. Two hours later, she is admitted to the visiting room where Mona is somehow still looking gorgeous in her grandma’s cardigan. She offers Aria a chair at her table and asks her if she wants to play a game. The answer to which question is always yes. Even if it results in your death, for a moment you had the glory of being played by Mona Vanderwaal. I’d let her hit me with a car for a single round of checkers.

At an outdoor cafe, Spencer is still doing her map when Hanna wanders up and asks if her mom got that court order for her blood blocked. Spencer is like, “You can’t get a court order blocked in an afternoon. Only arrest warrants, search and seizure certificates, and shovel violations get issued that fast.” But she assures her that “trying” is the same as “succeeding” when your last name is Hastings. Hanna sees Allison’s dad emerge from Jason’s car just over Spencer’s shoulder, so she slinks down in her chair and covers her face with a menu.

At Rear Window, Emily is trying to explain to Nate the marvel that is Jenna Marshall, but what words are powerful enough? Raped her brother, yes. Victim of a horrific attack in which her eyelids caught fire, sure. Maybe saved Emily’s life, maybe still holds the answer to Page Five of the autopsy report. Aria’s brother once stole her crafts. She owns a gun. Oh, also she dated the guy who is now in jail for the death of Maya. Nate goes, “Whoa! She could have been his next victim!” Emily is like, “Probably the other way around, to be honest, but OK.”

Hanna decides to bite the bullet and talk to Ali’s dad. She strides right up to him on the street and goes, “Mr. DiLaurentis, I am sorry about that horrible thing I did that has never been mentioned on this show before, but I want you to know it has always haunted me due to its tragical effects on you and your family.” He glowers at her for a minute, finally says, “Not forgiven!” Then he turns on his heel and marches away.

At Radley, Mona is teaching Aria how to build a card house/stay alive, but Aria grows impatient, so she invokes the name of Hanna Marin, hoping to get some kind of coherent answer from Mona about the Ouija thing. Mona sends her nurse away for some meds, hisses, “You have 25 seconds to tell me what the hell is happening to Hanna. 25, 24, 23 …” Aria explains about how all of the shoddy prezzies they buried with Ali are being returned to them one-by-one.” She whisper violently, “I swear, Mona, if you are still trying to hurt Hanna…” Mona whispers back, just as aggressively, “You’ll never love Hanna like I love Hanna. It’s not me.” Then visiting hours are over.

Hanna meets Aria outside of Radley and they immediately decide to break back into the asylum to question Mona without a nurse nosing around. Aria goes, “She said she was sorry, if that’s any consolation. It kind of makes me wonder if she’s really behind any of those shitty things that keep happening to y’all.”

Emily runs into CeCe in the town square, and they get their flirt on something fierce. CeCe’s tries to make small talk about Nate, but Emily’s as bored of him as I am. She yawns. CeCe yawns. They giggle. Apropos of nothing, CeCe goes, “Hey, that reminds me, let me get your number.” Emily, who has still never seen an episode of her own show, willingly hands over her phone to a stranger. CeCe does get her number, and also CeCe calls Jenna and threatens to gouge out her eyeballs if she goes anywhere near “her boyfriend” Nate again. When she hangs up, Emily is like, “Dude, that girl was literally blind for years.” CeCe’s like, “LOL, that makes it even funnier.”

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