“Pretty Little Liars” recap (3.07) — Codename: Crazy

 
 

Nate’s still in play, I guess, trolling all over town collecting every bit of information he can about that social-est of social butterflies, Maya St. Germain. Today’s surprising relationship tidbit: When Maya was alive, sometimes she and Jenna liked to hang out after school, ride around town, share an ice cream cone, shop for snow globes. Emily is like, “Look, go out with her if you want, but you should know that all of her senses operate at like eleven. If she smells fear on you, she will kill you with a single deathblow to the neck.”

Aria walks Hanna home from school to try to calm her down about how Detective Snape is petitioning for a court order for her blood, but there’s nothing comforting about the Ouija Board sitting on Hanna’s kitchen counter when they walk in the door. Hanna lunges for the planchette despite Aria’s most ardent protests and is rewarded with a gouged finger because of course “A” has wrapped the thing up in rusty barbed wire. And a note: “See how easy it is for me to get your blood?” Hanna flips out, zooms around the room rattling every door and window trying to figure out if “A” forced her way in or if she has a key.

Aria’s like, “Calm down, Hanna. What’s the big deal? So your pen pal “A” wants to play a board game with you. Sounds like fun!” Hanna explains the shit show of their very existence to her for like the billionth time and also reveals that the Ouija planchette is the thing she buried with Ali because she is a worse gift giver than Nate St. Gerfraudstalker. And then, a flashback:

Mona and Hanna are playing Ouija in the dark in a thunderstorm, which honestly is probably Mona’s idea of a really romantic afternoon. Hanna wants to know if no-knob Sean is still a virgin, but Mona shoots down that inquiry because duh. She’s like, “Maybe instead we can ask it about whether or not your best friend Alison has indeed been the victim of a heinous murder, or is simply enjoying a leisurely flight around the world a la Amelia Earhart. She took flying lessons, you know.” They ask what the deal is with Ali, and the board spells out A-L-I-V-E. As if that wasn’t creepy enough, thunder cracks and lightning smacks and Alison is standing on Hanna’s back porch, staring in with that face she has.

I’ve never screamed while watching TV before, but when I saw this preview clip last week, I yelped and jumped up from my computer.

Aria snaps Hanna out of her reverie by accusing Mona of already being “A” by then, and just dicking around with Hanna. But also she realizes Hanna and Mona are the only people who knew about this Ouija thing, so they need to road trip it up to the asylum and ask who else she told so they can narrow down their suspects. Aria is doing the full Gryffindor today, I’m telling you. She says she’ll scale the wall at Radley she has to, because she’s sick and damn tired of watching her friends get tortured.

Spencer’s still working on her One Stalker Map to Rule Them All when Jason jogs by in an angry huff. When Spencer stops to ask what’s wrong, he goes, “Well, I guess I just can’t do anything right in my dad’s eyes. After the anklet debacle, he’s decided to fly to Rosewood and look for clues by himself!” Spencer goes, “Well, if he finds anything you don’t like, I’ve got about a 70 percent success rate of destroying evidence, so just let me know. Usually it ends up as ash. Sometimes it ends up at a church rummage sale, but that’s pretty rare.” Jason thanks her and also confirms that he did have a relationship with CeCe Drake one summer. An intense relationship, one supposes, due to the very nature of CeCe’s person.

Nate drags Emily to CeCe’s boutique to buy a first date gift for Jenna. She notices that Emily’s not really feeling the gift-giving, so she assumes Emily’s into Nate. Emily’s like, “No, girl. It’s not even like that. He’s my dead lover’s cousin and I’m just worried about his safety because I one time blinded the girl he’s going out with and she grew a brand new pair of eyeballs. Something ain’t right about that, you know?” CeCe regognizes her then as Emily, the girl who was madly in love with Alison. Emily’s like, “Well, ‘madly’ is a bit much, but yeah, we watched Beyonce music videos together and I’ve kissed her ghost at least twice now.”

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