You guys were right: Melissa really did lose her baby. That’s what Veronica Hastings has been trying to tell us all this time. I thought she was just saying that Melissa was down in the dumps because yet another one of her boyfriends was arrested for wearing a Pedo Bear costume while punching a teenage girl in the face with a shovel. Since she can’t invite Garrett to live in Spencer’s bedroom like she did for Ian, Veronica has decided to defend him pro bono. Spencer pleads with Melissa to “do something,” but Melissa just flips through her Pottery Barn catalog and says, “I swore I’d never help you again after you bested me in the Hide and Seek World Championship back in 1993.”
Aria is still reeling about her discovery that her life and the lives of her most beloved companions is in trouble by an anonymous terrorist. This is just so much new information to process, you know? Emily’s like, “I’m not even worried about it, to be honest. What I am is pissed the hell off.” Aria is so confused, not just by the fact that there’s an A, but also by the fact that she’s been turned on by Jenna’s insanity and Emily’s rage in a span of less than three hours. Emily’s like, “Just don’t fall in love with me, OK? I’m like Batwoman. A lesbian vigilante fighting to avenge the lives of those I loved. Heroism is my lover now. By the way, your mom totally cheated for me on my English test.”
One thing that always makes Melissa open up to her little sister with her deepest, darkest secrets is when her little sister brings up that cute little murder video from the night Alison was killed. That’s Spencer’s lead-in, of course, when she tries to find out if Melissa coerced their mom into defending Garrett. That and, “Remember when you were pregnant but then you weren’t anymore? Sad days.” Melissa tells her to “Climb out of Spencer World,” which is the most shocking revelation this show has ever given to us. There is an exit from Spencer World, which means there must be an entrance to Spencer World. BRB, treasure hunting forever.
Aria and Jenna have finally started that band they’ve been talking about since middle school. This is another one of those scenes where there was no music last night, but, like the credits, it was fixed on Hulu today. The missing sounds on this one, though, is a real catastrophe. When I watched it on Hulu, I realized they were playing “In the Eye Abides the Heart,” which: a) Is the absolute perfect hymn for Jenna Marshall and Mona Vanderwwaal, and b) is the song Mona sings (gorgeously!) at the end of the episode, and c) is the piano refrain we hear when the Risen Mitten puts her vodka on ice in the freezer containing Ali’s body.
In the eye abides the heart.
Every pure and tender feeling,
All emotions worth revealing,
Through the eyes their charm impart.
Words are often clothed in guile;
For the lips with fear may falter:
E’en confiding smiles may alter
Oh! believe not in a smile!
I want to hug the person choosing the literature references and music for this show, I really do.
Aria is working her keyboard and Jenna is working her flute and I’ll be honest, I’d pay $50 to see them in concert, just on the off-chance that Noel Kahn would show up and turn it into a demon-summoning fashion show. I know I keep saying Lucy Hale is on fire this season, but that’s only because Lucy Hale is on fire this season. She cranes her neck this way and that before settling on a post-it note inside of Jenna’s flute case that details the time and location of what is undoubtedly a sinister meet-up between two identical forces of evil. Jenna asks if Emily is OK, what with losing another girlfriend to death and dismemberment and everything, and also she gives Aria some cookies. Jenna, are you a good guy or what?! I don’t know what to feel about you anymore!
The Liars regroup to talk about who will be spying on whom once Spencer finishes doing all of their homework. Hanna’s going back to Radley, of course, despite Caleb’s protestations. Spencer’s going to watch that video of the NAT Club in Allison’s room a dozen more times to see if she missed any clues she can discuss with Melissa. And Aria and Hanna agree to tail Jenna. Ella interrupts the Scooby-shakedown by calling to let Aria know that the vice-principal wants to meet with her to see if she’s helped any students cheat on any tests lately.