“Pretty Little Liars” recap (3.02) — Bitch Can See!

Back and forth they go, vying for the spot of Rosewood’s Next Top Homopants. Ezra tells of the time he once wore a flannel shirt to IKEA where he bought a couch for a cat he adopted with a girl he’d only known ten minutes. Emily knows everything about her star sign and pre-processes her horoscopes years in advance. Ezra took every women’s studies class offered at his college while wearing Birkenstocks and writing his term papers to the tunes of the Indigo Girls. Emily is friends with all of her exes (who are still alive) and sometimes she even engages in DIY projects with them on weekends. Ezra likes acoustic guitars. Emily likes fleece. Ezra orders beer samplers every chance he gets. Emily only wears chapstick. “I like to stay in and watch TV with my girlfriend and feel superior to every lesbian who’s still out there in the scene!” Ezra shouts. “I’m a collegiate-caliber athlete!” Emily shouts back.

After several hours of poetry sharing and The L Word trivia, Ezra and Emily agree that they have both out-gayed themselves on this day and agree to be the best of friends.

Radley Sanatorium. Dr. Wren is interested in pressing his face against Hanna’s face and also maybe other parts of their bodies also. Hanna, however, is interested in her new hobby: vocabulary. Hoping a five-syllable phrase will at least get him to first base, Dr. Wren explains “ambiguous loss.” If anybody gets unresolved grief, it’s Hanna. Emily’s got bodies to grieve, at least. Hanna’s only got people — Mona, her dad — who used to hug her and now stare blankly at the wall and refuse to acknowledge her existence.

Spencer is wearing a t-shirt of the softest gray and a ponytail of the most purposeful tangles and reading a book and basically ruining my life with her perfection. I almost can’t even bear to talk about this scene because hands under t-shirts gets me every time and when Spencer finally stops asking dumb questions about “music camp,” that’s exactly where Toby goes. This scene is Buckley beautiful too, soft longing backlit shots with Lianne La Havas crooning along with a solo piano.

Mrs. Hastings Ravenclaw-blocks the whole damn thing, though; she comes clomping into the house screeching about who knows what. Melissa, I think. Some commenters last week said they think Melissa miscarried, but I must have missed that part. I stopped paying attention to Melissa when she wasn’t A.

At school the next day, Aria finds an envelope in her locker and inside is an earring that causes her to flash back to this one time when she and Ali trashed Byron’s office because they found those proof-of-adulerty earrings in his couch. The way Ali goaded Aria into losing her mind was terrifying and awesome in a white hot Hedda Gabler kind of way. (Hedda: [A step nearer him.] Eilert Løvborg—listen to me.—Will you not try to—to do it beautifully?) Aria nearly burns that motherfucker down, red spray paint and smashing glass and slicing tapestries and ripping books. When she’s finished flashingback, the Liars are like, “… wow, even for you.” But it gets even nuttier because apparnetly each of the Liars put a little momento in Ali’s casket and Aria’s momento was … the earring of the grad student who slept with Aria’s dad and ruined Aria’s family.

What a sweet gesture, Montgomery. Anyway, the point is Ali’s grave-robber robbed the body and the trinkets. And God, can you even imagine the number of moving trucks you’d need to unearth all of Alison DiLaurentis’ knickknacks?

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