Spencer, too, must tend to her love life, if only for a moment. Toby is cleaning up all the stuff that got charred in the most recent fire that ensnared his sister. Spencer wonders aloud if he’ll be taking that sister to the dance, followed by coitus. It’s amazing that everyone just assumes Toby is boning Jenna just because he’s helping her around the hallways at school. Mona said something about it earlier, and now Spencer just straight up asks him to his face. He scowls and says, “No.” And then shoos Spencer away before receiving a call from Dr. Annabeth Gish. (Hi, lady!)
Jenna’s eyes are working real good. So good, in fact, that she just takes to the open road in a classic convertible like a regular old Grace Kelly. (Speaking of Hitchcock.) Jenna didn’t just get some new eyeballs, though; Jenna got the most gorgeous eyeballs you have ever looked at with your eyeballs. She sits down on a park bench across from “A,” pulls off her sunglasses, and all the leaves just hide in shame because no matter how good they get at photosynthesis, they can’t compete with the kind of green Jenna’s eyes are right now. Tammin Sursok is so good at her American accent — like she even uses it in interviews and on set and stuff — that it’s easy to forget she’s Australian. But her for real accent comes out in this scene just a little bit at the beginning, and I mean, her eyes and her accent and her diabolical-ness and knowing who she’s talking to right now — it’s the first time in my life I truly understand why a person would go choose evil. Like, if those two asked me to go to the dark side right now, I don’t know that I’d have the power to refuse.
Jenna gives “A” some kind of scarf or something and says, “They’re all going to be at the ball. Strangle them to death with this. I’ll have Toby start digging the holes for their bodies.”
Masquerade ball! Masks! Gowns! Chandeliers! Leona Lewis for some reason! (I liked this song so much better when I thought it opened with, “It’s been a long-ass winter without yoooou…”) The Liars are stunning in their ball gowns, so stunning in fact that I forgive them for this conversation:
Aria: All of these disguises! “A” could be anywhere! Which is different than all the other days “A” walks freely among us because we literally have no idea what she looks like!
Hanna: Well, I’m still hammering the Melissa-is-”A” theory because I’ve never seen a TV show before.
Emily: We have three hours to find out who “A” is.
Aria: It shouldn’t be a problem if we stick together.
Hanna: Four against one has always worked out for us in the past because “A” doesn’t have supernatural abilities and we don’t make dumb decisions. Aria’s right: We must stick together.
Spencer: Agreed. So should we split up and look around?
And they do. Four girls that decided to finally put the buddy system into effect TWO SECONDS AGO wander out of the herd the way zebras do before a crocodile chomps them in half, because they need to look for a person they’ve never seen. Spencer, tell us again how you’re a genius.
Caleb descends from the air conditioning vents and kisses Hanna’s neck and she sighs into his embrace and dances a dance and all thoughts of mayhem just float out of her ears and up into the ether. He says Mona helped him pick out his costume and Mona twirls into the frame and does a little bow and says, “Anything to keep Hanna occupied while I isolate the one foe who is worthy of my intellect.” Enter: Spencer Hastings. She’s like, “Mona, you may seem like a typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag, but in reality, you’re so much more than that.” Mona grins and says, “I guess I had that in common with Alison.”
She has her very first Ali flashback (it doesn’t have the same coloring as the Liars’ flashbacks, note), all the way back to Brookhaven, where Ali was wearing her Vivian Darkbloom suit and peeping out a store window. Mona was so excited to see her that she peed on Ali’s leg on accident and Ali huffed in that warning way she had that meant, “Scram or I’ll slit your throat with this dagger.” Mona tried to clean up the piddle puddle with some tissues from her purse, but Ali just swatted at her and shushed her and said she’d do whatever Mona wanted if she’d just go away. Mona’s eyes lit up like Christmas and she said, “I want to be a serial killer. But, like, a popular serial killer.” Ali was impressed despite herself.
Spencer has some kind of epiphany about how “A” wasn’t spying on Ali; Ali was spying on “A.” And Mona is like, “As long as you didn’t make any promises to stick together with your BFFs for safety’s sake, I’d love to accompany you into the deep, dark forest.” Spencer goes, “I did not make any such promises. Let’s go.”